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THE YEAR 2021

ONE DAY AT A TIME

ONE DAY AT A TIME – INSTRUCTIONAL MANUAL FOR THE SLOGANS

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MANUAL FOR THE SLOGANS: ONE DAY AT A TIME.

In recovery slogans like ONE DAY AT A TIME , as well as cliches, and bits of advice are tossed around like candy on Easter. Flying rabbits and rainbow pastel stained eggs everywhere.

Some of the candy is good like the Reese’s Peanut Butter Eggs. Some of the candy is bad like jelly-beans.

Some of it is straight up weird like those little styrofoam sugar chickens. (see featured image above)

That’s my experience with slogans.

When used responsibly, slogans are impactful and essential. Also, when mindlessly tossed around they are irritating.

When presented as simple go to solutions to life stressors, slogans are dangerous.

The Slogans Challenge

In my humble opinion, the challenge is as follows:

A slogan, in and of itself, is not an answer to a life challenge. It is a good way to show empathy, a good way to fill up the conversation.

However, the slogan itself is not the answer.

Let me give you an example:

Let’s pretend I’m struggling with my son’s health issues and concerns. I’m preoccupied. I’m worried and I’m not getting much sleep.

A good friend would say: “Rich, just take it one day at time. That’s all you can do”.

My response: “How do I do that? “

Good Friend: “What do you mean. You just take it one a day at time”.

Rich: “Yeah, okay, but how. How does it work?”

Good Friend: “Well, you just take it a day at time”.

Rich: “I get that. But how do I do that? How do you do that?”

Good Friend: “Well, I just decided to take it one day at a time”…..

You can see my point. And, perhaps, I’m exaggerating just a little bit. However, this is a common challenge.

What A Slogan Is

A slogan, is NOT a plan of attack.

A slogan represents a philosophy. It is a way of approaching life. Not necessarily the nuts and bolts of life.

Today’s slogan is “One day at a time” and it’s many variations.

  • One day at time!
  • Just for today!
  • All you have is today!
  • Stay In The Present Moment!

This is good solid advice.

Impossible & Universal

The type of advice that is impossible to ignore. The type of advice that is universally agreed upon.

You CAN NOT argue about the utility of “One day at a time”.

Can you imagine the following exchange?

“Hey Rich, you should take it one day at time….”.

And then I would respond:

“No man, I don’t think that’s a good idea. I think I should focus on what’s going to happen 10 days from now”.

Or better yet…

“No man, I think it’s better if I obsess on things that happened 5 years ago and how that makes me a bad father”.

Of course, I should take it “One day at a time”.

  • One moment at a time.
  • One minute at a time.
  • One second at a time.

I get it. I do not disagree.

I have struggled mightily with this simple concept for the majority of my life. I tend to obsess on interactions and resentments that happened yesterday. I tend to play-out scenarios and “what-ifs” that may arise over the next couple weeks.

It’s not as simple as, “One day at a time”.

I guess I am a slower learner. Being told one day at time does not translate to living one day at time. I have to operationalize these things.

And there seems to be a clear path to ONE DAY AT A TIME:

The Clear Path

HOW to do “One day at a time”:

1) Getting Started

Start with routine and daily maintenance practices that support one day at time living.

  • Daily meditation.
  • Routine schedule with morning readings and evening readings.
  • Part of the routine schedule includes journaling.

D) Practicality

Practical time management and calendar reviews.

  • Make sure I coordinate with important players in my life.
  • What do we have to do today?
  • What is coming up?
  • Talk about the circumstance(s) and adjust/change the things you can.

E) Daily Discipline

Daily routine focused on the “body/health”: exercise, walking, free three.

  • Throughout the course of the day I need to constantly redirect my thinking toward present moment. Notice my thoughts. Allow the unhelpful thoughts to float away, savor and grab the helpful thoughts.
  • Pray, if so inclined: “Dear God, please help me stay present and focused on the here and now”.
  • Build recalibration into my day. A time to stop, pause, brief meditation.
  • Perhaps we “restart” the day. Maybe we will need to do this 4 or 5 times throughout the day or maybe just once. Maybe, should schedule it into our day.
  • Focus on transitions, when you are done with work and you move into “home”. This is particularly difficult in today’s “work from home” environment.
  • Remember that the “One day at time” techniques used at home are different than the techniques used at work.
  • Finally, establish some type of evening routine for yourself. Pray if so inclined. Focus on gratitude.
  • Definitely engage 3 good things. Give yourself 30 mins to unwind.
  • PRO TIP: Plug your phone in “away” from the bed”. Do not “read” on your phone and then just toss it aside and go to sleep.

My Opinion

In my opinion: ONE DAY AT A TIME is a way of life with many operational units. You can’t DO one day at a time. You must do a bunch of things that add up to a “One day at a time orientation”.

There is more to this.

I am just beginning this process of “operationalizing” the slogans.

SLEEPLESS NIGHTS The Problem with Energy Drinks

SLEEPLESS NIGHTS AND TAURINE FILLED DAYS

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SLEEPLESS NIGHTS AND CONVERTED METH LABS

I had trouble sleeping last night. It was probably not helpful that I pounded a Starbucks energy drink at 430 PM. But even though it was a “bad night” sleeping. I feel semi-reasonable.

It wasn’t a “sleepless” night. Just semi-sleepless.

What keeps me up at night?

How much time do you have?

On a practical note. When I drink caffeine late in the day it sets me up for trouble.

I am a big fan of caffeine. Caffeine in it’s many different forms (coffee, “red-eye” from Starbucks, and ENERGY DRINKS).

SMELLY FUMES

Side Note: The lovely Mrs. Jones tells me that the main ingredient in energy drinks (Taurine) is mass produced in converted methamphetamine labs in China (she doesn’t quite say it that way).

Direct quote from TLMJ: “The fumes from the warehouse are so bad that you can smell them from miles away”. I don’t know if this is true. But, if so, that can’t be good.

Back to the original point.

JACKS AND MIMICS

Caffeine jacks you up. Raises your blood-pressure, unleashes other chemicals into your system.

Add in the Taurine from China and you have a serious chemical reaction. In addition to making one “more alert and awake”, this physiological flood mimics the fear the response.

This process mimics what happens when you are anxious.

Neither of which are good for “sleeping”. In the meantime, I have this latent fear and anticipatory dread floating around in my head.

DREAD HEAD

There is always some anticipatory dread floating around in the back of my mind. Right now, much of the dread is related to a loved one. But, in reality, it can be anything.

Someone once said: “Your anxiety will find something to stick to”.

Another way of saying this: “What is the target of your anxiety”?

YOUR ANXIETY

“Where will you aim your anxiety?”

If you have a loved one who is dealing with substance use disorder or mental health issue you have an “anxiety target” readily available.

Back to the story.

I lay down and I dose off. I sleep for maybe 30 minutes. Maybe less. But the caffeine jolts me awake.

It’s still not fully metabolized. So, all the sudden, the leader of the caffeine army shouts out a command: “Whoa what is this all about. WAKE HIS SORRY ASS UP!”

Now, I’m lying there fully awake. You can guess the rest of the story.

The tape starts to play. The rumination and rabbit holes. Chasing scenarios.

Playing the “what-if” games. Hyperactively bouncing from one topic to another topic.

Always landing back on my worries for my loved one. The train has left the station.

That brings me to my recommendations:

1) GOOD SLEEP HYGENE

Good sleep hygiene is an all-day process.

Watch what you eat. Watch your caffeine intake. Try to get out for a walk.

Decrease stress. I suggest the “Free Three”.

VERY IMPORTANT ***** Do not pound energy drinks at 4:30 pm.

Stay away from anything manufactured in an abandoned methamphetamine warehouse.

2) RESET THE PROCESS

If you do wake up and your anxiety finds a target, take an action to reset the process.

Last night, I got up and came down stairs. I read a little and I wrote a little. DO NOT CHECK YOUR EMAIL. I’ve done that before. Bad idea.

3) MEDITATE AND BREATHE

Meditate, or at least, do some breathing exercises. Bring your “physiology back down”.

I had taurine and caffeine bouncing around my bloodstream. My meditation practice met its match and was not very effective.

4) GO BACK AND LAY DOWN

Go back and lay down. If it continues, repeat the process.

But the next time try sleeping somewhere else. The couch, a spare room, your car, the garage, park bench (just kidding).

Morning will come. You will be okay.

Just be very careful. You will be compelled to use Red-Bull, Pop-Tarts, and coffee to get through. DO NOT DO THAT.

Because you will just repeat the cycle all over again.

Now you know…

RELATED NEWS – Shocking figures from the British Soft Drinks Association reveal the volume of energy drinks consumed in the UK increased to 679 million litres last year.

Read article – https://www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/energy-drinks-increase-stroke-risk-13746362

RCBP01182021a

Go Easy on Yourself, But Do Something!

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Multiple Pathways – Part 2

We say “multiple pathways of recovery”… As if we have to “pick a program” and follow that pathway perfectly. 12-step, clinical support, favor all recovery, coaching, individual therapy, SMART recovery etc … pick one.

Pick one snd do it right. Subconsciously, that’s the message we receive.

Some people pick a path.

And that’s all there is to it. Now and forever. They are on the path. That’s fantastic. Wonderful.

However….

However, many of us pick multiple paths.

And many of us take a route that is not defined as a pathway or program.

The truth is most people figure out their own pathway over time.

With formal program or without formal program. The elements of recovery are many and they are not uniform.

Recovery Is Not Static

Recovery is not static. We adjust. We try different things. And we do it over and over throughout our recovery.

And when I say recovery.

I mean recovery from trauma, substance use, mental health struggles, emotional struggles etc…

The most important thing is … keep moving forward.

Obvious Things

I have been a therapist for 20 years. And several things are obvious.

  1. There is no one way to get better.
  2. There is only momentum.
  3. Hopefully, forward momentum.

And if you are trying to better yourself. I celebrate you and admire you. Regardless of the pathway, program or “plan”.

People get really down on themselves for “slips” or mistakes or not following the plan perfectly.

As if the plan came down from God as the 11th commandment.

We All __________!

  • We all struggle.
  • We all slip up.
  • In some way or in some form.
  • We are all a work in progress.
  • You will figure it out.
  • Go easy on yourself
Pathways to Recovery

Many Pathways to Recovery Out There!

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Approved “Pathways to Recovery”

We have been fooled into thinking there are “approved” ways to get better. Approved “Pathways to Recovery”.

When I started my recovery journey 22 years ago it was made clear to me: there is only one way to recover and that is adherence to a prescribed 12-step program.

Specifically, find a sponsor, follow his directions, don’t question his authority, “work” the steps and you will be good to go.

Otherwise, you are screwed. If you deviate from that path you will most certainly “get high” and ultimately die.

The Message

You may think I am exaggerating for effect.

I am not. That was “the message”. And any variation from that “message” was false and dangerous.

Of course, not all members of 12-step communities operated with such intensity. There was a spectrum of “hardass-ness” with the recovery community.

Some people were more reasonable than others. Some people were open-minded and worked collaboratively with their “sponsees”. Although they were labeled “easier and softer” and marginalized within many groups.

Prevailing Attitude

All that aside. The prevailing attitude was “stay on our path” It’s the only legitimate way to recovery.

Fast forward 22 years. Today we say “multiple pathways of recovery”.

It’s become the preferred lingo of the recovery community.

One Size Fits All

This is certainly a better arrangement than one size fits all.

However, the implications are still limited and this phrase does not capture the reality of a journey toward wellness.

What about the famously used – “MULTIPLE PATHWAYS OF RECOVERY” – This terminology can be misleading.

Does this mean we have to “pick a program” and follow that pathway only?

Pick Your Pathways to Recovery

Is there a correct way to “do the program”?

As if there is a menu of approved pathways: 12-step, clinical support, favor all recovery, coaching, individual therapy, SMART recovery, and on and on.

Pick one. And do it right.

I would argue, subconsciously, that’s the message many of us receive.

“Reality Check”

Some people pick a path. And that’s all there is to it. Now and forever.

They are on the path. That’s fantastic. Wonderful. However, many of us pick multiple paths.

Even better, many of us take a route that is not defined as a specific pathway or program. The truth is most people figure out their own pathway over time.

With a formal program or without a formal program.

  • The elements of recovery are many and they are not uniform.
  • The elements of recovery go way beyond any particular meeting or book or manual.
  • Recovery is not static. Recovery is fluid and ever-changing. We never “arrive”.
  • We adjust. We try different things. Things that “worked” stop working.
  • We do this course correction over and over throughout our recovery.

For the Record

For the record, when I say recovery. I mean “recovery from all matters of the mind”.

Trauma, substance use, mental health struggles, emotional struggles.

“Getting better” in these areas involves a similar journey. I don’t put substance use disorders in a silo.

The most important thing is to keep moving forward.

I have been a therapist for 20 years and several things are obvious.

  • There is no one way to get better.
  • There is only “momentum”. We are moving forward, or we a moving backward.
  • Momentum and progress are many times, imperceptible processes. You can not “see the progress”.
  • Look for the forward momentum.
  • And if you are trying to better yourself.
  • I celebrate you and admire you.
  • Regardless of the pathway, program or “plan”.

ONE MORE THING, BEWARE THE ABSTINENCE VIOLATION EFFECT

People get really down on themselves for “slips” or mistakes or not following the plan perfectly.

When we make a mistake. We beat ourselves up. We tell ourselves lies:

“Man you suck”…
or
“Why can’t you get this right”…
or
“You will never get better”…

Unfortunately, some people will reinforce this negative self-talk.

Even professionals will punish a mistake. This is terrible, but we can tackle that at another time.

FOR NOW PLEASE EMBRACE THE FACTS OF RECOVERY:

We all struggle.
We all slip up. In some way or in some form.
We are all a work in progress.

resolutions

New Year’s Resolutions?

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Welcome to 2021. A New Year.

With the New Year and all the great resolutions we make, it’s a good time to elevate our discussion surrounding “substance use disorders”.

According to the National Household Survey on Drug Use and Health:

There are approximately 21.6 million people in America who meet “criteria for a substance use disorder”.

Of those 21.6 million only 12% (2.6 million) “got help”.

This “got help” group includes those who engaged in self-help groups. It does not mean 2.6 million received professional help.

And, of course, many people received more than one “kind of help”.

But, at best, 2.6 million people were “willing” to take steps to get help.

Treatment Effectiveness

AND IT IS SAFE TO ASSUME: this “willing” group was the subject of all research and evaluation (related to “treatment effectiveness”).

In other words, they only measure those who show up.

Obviously, you can not measure the person who never presents at a clinic.

You may be able to survey the general public, but you can’t measure “what worked” with someone who never engaged in the “model” being measured.

Obviously

So…

We talk with authority and tell families/people in need “here is what works”.

But this information is based on a very small subset of the total SUD population.

That seems irresponsible.

We know what to do if you are “willing”. If you “show up”.

But we don’t’ know much about the big picture.

We don’t know the entire spectrum of SUD. We address the worst aspect of the disease. We address the “severe” manifestation of the disorder.

The Ongoing Addiction Epidemic

The solution to the “addiction epidemic” has nothing to do with current practices.

Current practices have improved and the system is going to keep doing “its job”.

The recovery movement is now part of that system and has taken a marginalized place alongside clinical services.

We will keep doing our part. Myself included.

The Willing 12%

We will grow our programs and try to put a dent in the problem.

I am grateful to be part of the recovery movement and I think great progress has been made.

But, there will be no breakthrough beyond that “willing 12%” threshold.

Perhaps some small in-roads.

Do No Harm

Some “harm-reduction” initiatives. But not deep systemic transformation.

No one is talking about a massive reach.

No one is talking about “adult prevention” or upstream intervention. Everything is designed for the “deep end” problems.

“Admit you have a problem and do 12-step meetings” has been replaced with “admit you have a problem and pick a pathway”.

That is clearly an improvement.

But, that does not even approximate transformation.

The Next Evolution

We simply have not opened our minds to comprehensive solutions. Everything we do is based on a willing client who shows up and does the “program”.

I think we will see the following unfold.

The next evolution of support.

First,

Recovery coaching, recovery housing, recovery supports will continue to improve and expand.

We will make progress as a recovery movement.

FAVOR Greenville is committed to improving the quality of our work. Committed to increasing our reach.

We have demonstrated the ability to make a deep impact on any given community.

However, we are still playing in the 12% sandbox.

Our harm reduction efforts help expand our reach into the underserved deep end SUD community.

Transformation

The second pathway of transformation will also emerge.

Something that is upstream and has a “health coaching” / prevention vibe.

A model that does not require complete “unmanageability” as a precursor for care.

A model that is fully integrated with healthcare.

A model that makes no weaves SUD support into the milieu alongside other chronic diseases.

The word “recovery” will not be required.

We need to touch all phases of this disorder. We need to touch people who have not progressed to the level of “disorder”.

Unthinkable Numbers

Routine care-coordination with expertise in SUD. Online education platforms like youturn . Teaming up with healthcare, enterprises, military and other institutions to universally distribute the content.

All of this applies to mental health treatment as well.

In the future…we will see “both-and”. NOT “either-or”.

Or we will see unthinkable numbers. 100,000 plus overdose deaths; 100,000 plus alcohol use deaths and 75,000 suicides.

Will that wake people up?