Family Recovery – 5 Things You Can Do Today!
Family Recovery Support
An interesting development is unfolding within the addiction treatment and recovery “industry”. An emerging emphasis on family recovery.
Treatment programs are promoting their “family recovery” support services and recovery organizations are also touting the merits of family involvement. The term “family recovery coach” is become more and more mainstream.
This is a positive step. However, I will go on the record. Family recovery support services go way beyond a workshop addressing detachment and enabling. Family recovery support services fall on a continuum. Any level of support is better than no level of support. But, let’s be clear. Not all family recovery support services are created equal.
Of course, I believe the Family Recovery Support Services we offer are top notch. FAVOR Greenville has provided over 15,000 hours of family recovery coaching in a wide variety of settings.
We have engaged over 8,000 family members in individualized family recovery services since 2013.
What We Have Learned
We have learned what works and what doesn’t. We have learned the best way to engage family members in the process. We have learned how to provide consistent and effective supervision and continuing education to maximize the performance of our family coaches.
There is the “theory” of family recovery coaching and then there is the practice of family recovery coaching. Our reference point is the actual practice backed by solid theoretical foundation.
We offer a family recovery group on Monday Nights at FAVOR Greenville that averages 50 plus participants.
We talk a lot about accepting and dealing with the fear associated with living with a loved one’s active addiction. I am struck with the devastating nature of this CHRONIC disease and the deep impact it has on family members. There is a stark reality; it seems we are never out of the woods where addiction is concerned.
“Families just want to see light at the end of the tunnel.” – Rich Jones
We hear consistent stories from family members and we have been able to identify themes of family recovery. We know that family recovery, just as the addicted person’s recovery, occurs in stages. A common issue is the lack of recognition of the individual family journey.
Family members are frequently pushed to make decisions to “detach” and to “kick him out” before they are ready to make such a move. They are told they are “enablers” and they are “going to love their kid to death”. Some of the people saying these things are misinformed. Some are dogmatic and hold tight to antiquated beliefs. Some just don’t know what else to say so they turn to clichés.
Tragically, some are motivated by filling beds and use fear to push the family toward an intervention.
They have been told they “are sick too” and they need to work on themselves. They are told they cannot do anything about their loved one’s disease and they should “focus on their own recovery”. Many of the families run from support when confronted in these ways.
Many times, families arrive to group in a confused and terrified state.
What do we say to these families?
First, it’s okay to try and figure out a way to help your loved one.
Maybe an intervention is in order. Maybe your loved one is willing but you can’t find a resource. Maybe your loved one is already doing some type of recovery and you want to know how to support him.
These are all legitimate questions Our group and individual sessions address these types of inquiries.
***Please see our family recovery page and our Recovery Cartel YouTube Channel. We have a plethora of video support and information available.
In addition, we would want these families to know there are ways to begin their own recovery process. If they are ready there are steps that can be taken. It’s counter-intuitive but rather than obsess on loved one’s welfare focus on your own recovery plan. Your family recovery can positively impact your loved one’s recovery.
There are some universal basic suggestions to follow:
1). Practice daily maintenance/daily routine.
Morning prayer; devotionals; reading recovery related literature; exercise; talking to healthy people. Most people focus on “book-end” prayer or meditation routines. Starting the day with silence and prayer can help with stress and centering an otherwise chaotic world. Ending the day with gratitude in the face of addiction can bring unforeseen peace and rewards. It takes discipline but the payoff is real.
2). Find a way to address the inevitable stress and anxiety that arises throughout the day.
You will find yourself obsessing on your loved one’s welfare. Worry will be an all-day reality. A suggested stress reducer: Tap into the “The Free Three”: get outside; laugh; listen to music.
3). Re-fire to Re-wire: continuously redirect worry and rumination.
For example, tell yourself, “Dear God please remove this thought…” If that is not your style focus on your own mantra. You need to address the rumination in the moment and consistently redirect your thinking over and over and over and over throughout the day.
4). Get clear on what you can do and what you can’t do…in terms of helping your loved one.
Having clarity that you have explored all options will make it more likely you can focus on yourself.
5). Have a crisis plan.
No one should be subject to physical, verbal abuse or threatening. Be willing to call 911. Get educated on the commitment process in your state. Get educated on the legal process and remember that the legal system can sometimes be your friend.
Please sign up for The Recovery Cartel emails and blog posts. Stay tuned to our channel and to our Family Group broadcasts. We are all in this together.
