In The Perfect Family There Still May Be Chaos….

One of my favorite pictures of all time. What you see isn’t always what you get. Behind the polished surface of the Perfect Family there still may be chaos….

In the wake of these teen deaths, the natural tendency will be for some parents, teachers, coaches, clergy, therapists etc… to arm-chair quarterback the situation and cast aspersions.

Uncalled for, and vicious verbal assaults about lack of supervision or “weak relationships”, or not enough God or not enough discipline etc… .

Definition – aspersion – an attack on the reputation or integrity of someone or something.

Divisiveness & Cruel

This happens everyday and divides people but is made more intense in the wake of this type of incident.

This is done for many different reasons.

For example:

Parents are scared and it’s a way of coping.

“We aren’t like them therefore it won’t happen to us etc…”.

We All Can Do Better

Obviously, we can all do better as parents. Try harder. Learn things. But let’s be clear on a couple things.

The guidelines for preventing teen drug use are common sense and it’s awful presumptive to think that these parents weren’t working on those things.

We Just Don’t Know

We simply don’t know the whole story.

Why would anyone make statements that imply lack of parental oversight? And it the parents did “fall short” (I don’t know who gets to make that call) then show some compassion anyway.

Many kids will experiment despite the parents best efforts.

Many of the kids of the people who are judging are experimenting themselves.

Hell, 40-50% of 12th graders underage drank last month.

Is your child or grand-kid in High School?

Did y’all forget to tell them not to drink? Or is that illegal behavior okay?

Educate Parents

There is a productive way to educate parents.

A collaboration rather than an approach that implies a right or a wrong way to parent. We have to go out of our way to empower the family rather than assert our authority as an “expert”.

I’m NOT an expert on anyone else’s family.

Based On 20 Plus Years

I can provide feedback based on 20 plus years of experience and education and my own recovery and my own experience as being as less than perfect parent.

Perhaps most importantly… everyone out there judging these parents.

Y’all got something in your closet as well. The image doesn’t always match the reality.

Look closer at your own family and take care of your side of the street before you pile on.

I know you got your own struggles. We all do. I’m not a scripture dude: but pull the stick out of your eye before you …. (I don’t know the rest 😎).

Is there a list of “good families” somewhere? Who keeps that list?

I’m sure we (the Joneses) don’t make the cut.