Many Pathways to Recovery Out There!
Approved “Pathways to Recovery”
We have been fooled into thinking there are “approved” ways to get better. Approved “Pathways to Recovery”.
When I started my recovery journey 22 years ago it was made clear to me: there is only one way to recover and that is adherence to a prescribed 12-step program.
Specifically, find a sponsor, follow his directions, don’t question his authority, “work” the steps and you will be good to go.
Otherwise, you are screwed. If you deviate from that path you will most certainly “get high” and ultimately die.
The Message
You may think I am exaggerating for effect.
I am not. That was “the message”. And any variation from that “message” was false and dangerous.
Of course, not all members of 12-step communities operated with such intensity. There was a spectrum of “hardass-ness” with the recovery community.
Some people were more reasonable than others. Some people were open-minded and worked collaboratively with their “sponsees”. Although they were labeled “easier and softer” and marginalized within many groups.
Prevailing Attitude
All that aside. The prevailing attitude was “stay on our path” It’s the only legitimate way to recovery.
Fast forward 22 years. Today we say “multiple pathways of recovery”.
It’s become the preferred lingo of the recovery community.
One Size Fits All
This is certainly a better arrangement than one size fits all.
However, the implications are still limited and this phrase does not capture the reality of a journey toward wellness.
What about the famously used – “MULTIPLE PATHWAYS OF RECOVERY” – This terminology can be misleading.
Does this mean we have to “pick a program” and follow that pathway only?
Pick Your Pathways to Recovery
Is there a correct way to “do the program”?
As if there is a menu of approved pathways: 12-step, clinical support, favor all recovery, coaching, individual therapy, SMART recovery, and on and on.
Pick one. And do it right.
I would argue, subconsciously, that’s the message many of us receive.
“Reality Check”
Some people pick a path. And that’s all there is to it. Now and forever.
They are on the path. That’s fantastic. Wonderful. However, many of us pick multiple paths.
Even better, many of us take a route that is not defined as a specific pathway or program. The truth is most people figure out their own pathway over time.
With a formal program or without a formal program.
- The elements of recovery are many and they are not uniform.
- The elements of recovery go way beyond any particular meeting or book or manual.
- Recovery is not static. Recovery is fluid and ever-changing. We never “arrive”.
- We adjust. We try different things. Things that “worked” stop working.
- We do this course correction over and over throughout our recovery.
For the Record
For the record, when I say recovery. I mean “recovery from all matters of the mind”.
Trauma, substance use, mental health struggles, emotional struggles.
“Getting better” in these areas involves a similar journey. I don’t put substance use disorders in a silo.
The most important thing is to keep moving forward.
I have been a therapist for 20 years and several things are obvious.
- There is no one way to get better.
- There is only “momentum”. We are moving forward, or we a moving backward.
- Momentum and progress are many times, imperceptible processes. You can not “see the progress”.
- Look for the forward momentum.
- And if you are trying to better yourself.
- I celebrate you and admire you.
- Regardless of the pathway, program or “plan”.
ONE MORE THING, BEWARE THE ABSTINENCE VIOLATION EFFECT
People get really down on themselves for “slips” or mistakes or not following the plan perfectly.
When we make a mistake. We beat ourselves up. We tell ourselves lies:
“Man you suck”…
or
“Why can’t you get this right”…
or
“You will never get better”…
Unfortunately, some people will reinforce this negative self-talk.
Even professionals will punish a mistake. This is terrible, but we can tackle that at another time.
FOR NOW PLEASE EMBRACE THE FACTS OF RECOVERY:
We all struggle.
We all slip up. In some way or in some form.
We are all a work in progress.
