Happiness Is Misleading.

What do we know about being happy or happiness?

Actually, we know quite a bit. First, we know that happiness is a misleading term. For most people, being happy or experiencing happiness equals“fun” or “joy”. Those things are part of the good life. However, neither of those constitute a satisfying life in and of themselves.

We should get rid of the term happiness.

Instead, we should focus on SUBJECTIVE WELL BEING (SWB). 

There are other terms that capture the SWB spirit. Contentment, life satisfaction, serenity, personal wellness, self-actualization are in the same ballpark.

Whatever term fits best with your personal world-view. The important thing to keep in mind, we are not pursuing joy or happiness alone.

We are pursuing a state of being. We are pursuing a mindset. A happy mindset.

Where Do We Begin?

In 1993 Martin Seligman launched the discipline of positive psychology. Seligman was the president of the American Psychological Association at the time.

Seligman had access to some of the best minds in psychology and some of the best information in psychology.

He was disillusioned with the psychotherapeutic focus on pathology rather than strengths. He was stunned with the complete void of research surrounding happiness. Seligman responds by starting a new discipline. He and his colleagues begin the process of unpacking well-being.

Sigmund Freud reportedly said, “the goal of psychotherapy is to get you to ordinary human misery”. The goal of positive psychology is to help you thrive not just survive.

The positive psychology crew focused on the following:

1. Using the scientific method and gold-standard research practices, the team identified universal characteristics, traits, and behaviors of the “happiest people on the planet”. They found many common factors that transcend race, gender, socio-economic status, ethnicity, and culture.
   
2. The crew developed psychologically sound interventions that address these characteristics. These interventions were tested, evaluated, and refined. The result is a very pragmatic and hopeful set of action-oriented interventions that are proven to improve mood and raise subjective well-being.

The Subjective Well Being (SWB) plan:

It stands to reason then, that we can take these interventions and form a very practical and easy to implement an action plan. We can develop a SWB plan!

How does the SWB plan work?

1. Start with an understanding of “happiness”. You can do this in a variety of ways. Ideally, you have a coach or instructor that can help you learn the content, clarify concerns, and answer questions. However, you may have to engage in self-study. I utilize an 8-week educational program to guide my clients and my groups. The syllabus covers the basics and leaves participants with a very good understanding of the principles of positive psychology.
   
2. Once you have knowledge of the principles: Find 3 or 4 positive psychology principles to focus on. Discuss their application to current life situations and explore the actions/interventions that are associated with each principle. 
   NOTE: the University of Pennsylvania Authentic Happiness website has a questionnaire section. These assessment tools can help you identify focus areas.

Here is an example of positive psychology principles driving individualized interventions. Guided by assessment and self-awareness.

The VIA-Character strengths questionnaire is used to identify top character strengths (there are 24 universal character strengths). Examples of character strength include creativity, bravery, curiosity, appreciation of beauty, and gratitude.

Let’s pretend you take the VIA-Character strengths questionnaire and “gratitude” appears at the top of the list.

The intervention calls for an intentional focus on doing things that tap into “gratitude”.

Be Happy – 3 Good Things

Therefore, you begin to actively practice the positive psychology intervention of “3 GOOD THINGS”

3 GOOD THINGS = Every day, at the end of the day, you write down “3 Good Things” that happened that day.

You commit to 30 consecutive days and you agree to never list a good thing twice. No repeat “good things”.

This will quickly force you to concentrate on recognizing good things throughout the course of the day. You will be tapping into the character strength of gratitude.

3. Identify the specific interventions you will integrate into your life. As discussed above, these interventions should specifically target positive psychology principles consistent with your individual profile. No two SWB plans are 100% the same.

Once you identify these focus actions, write it down. Then simply put one foot in front of the other.

If you make a mistake, get right back on the wagon. Day by day you will build new habits and subjective well-being will be within your grasp.

A Few More Happy Examples:

Principle: There is a formula for happiness or SWB:

SWB = 50% Set Point (S) + 10% Circumstances (‘C) + 40% Voluntary Control (VC)

Set point (S): You were born this way. This is the “nature” aspect of being happy or happiness. Your personality and your “make-up”. Simply put, some people are happier than others. Some people are more grumpy. Some nationalities are happier. Also, other nationalities are naturally more negative. It is what it is. You can’t change this.

Circumstance: External conditions. Finances. Health. Family issues and so on. These circumstances can be good or bad. Winning the lottery versus getting in a terrible car accident.

On the whole, over time, circumstances will account for about 10% of your overall SWB. Many times circumstances are out of your control.

However, Positive Psychology does provide specific interventions that help people through challenging circumstances. For example, how to respond to suffering is a question Positive Psychology tries to answer.

In addition, there will be certain “circumstances” which can be improved. Physical health problems, for example, can be improved via nutrition, sleep, and exercise.

Positive Psychology focuses on what you can control. Do what you can to improve the circumstances.

Voluntary Control: This is the main focus of Positive Psychology. 40% of your mood on any given day is under your voluntary control and can be directly influenced by intentional activities, disciplined thinking, and preparation. Most Positive Psychology interventions influence the area of voluntary control.

Action Planning

Using these general principles, develop a simple and direct action plan.

Focus on improving the areas of obvious need. Don’t overthink.

Example of an “Action Plan”:

Self-assessment: My circumstances could be improved by taking better care of my physical health. I don’t feel well many days and that influences my outlook and interactions.

Steps: Sleep at least 6 hours | Stop eating sugary snacks and hammering Red Bull energy drinks all day.

Voluntary Control: I could be more present and grateful.

Steps: Utilize “3 Good Things” to develop optimism, notice the positive and nurture gratitude.

Take a minute and do your own self-assessment.

• What circumstantial challenges are you facing right now?
• Can you do anything to change or improve the situation?
• What can you do to improve your attitude?

Positive Psychology

Use the Positive Psychology website to identify other interventions that improve outcomes in the area of voluntary control.

This website provides a great resource for solution-focused positive psychology interventions: https://positivepsychology.com/positive-psychology-interventions/

Note: Mental Health concerns such as anxiety and depression are very real.

If you are seeing a therapist or under the care of a psychiatrist please DO NOT change the treatment plan. These interventions are not meant to replace medical care.

Photo by Nicolas Castez on Unsplash

The post Happy as a Pig in S*** appeared first on The Recovery Cartel.

The Recovery Pathway

In the interest of clarifying my opinion on “most effective” treatment and/or recovery pathway or approach. (Not that anyone ask for my opinion)…

Note: THINK “approach” or “pathway” or modality. NOT particular provider.

There is no such thing as a superior pathway or treatment “modality”….

Trying to rank program effectiveness is like trying to make a list of the Cleveland Browns best seasons…I guess 1987 was better than the rest but they all still sucked.

It’s like ranking the world’s most compassionate 3rd world dictators. Or the best Boy Bands in music history…. it’s all relative. 💯💯💯

It’s an exercise in identifying less shitty; more so than identifying most effective.

Facts…as things currently stand:

• Any program/pathway is better than doing nothing at all (well…maybe not all of them). You will not be struck sober while hanging at the trap house. Do something.

• All programs systematically and pridefully ignore and reject 90% of people in need because those people “don’t want it”…. “won’t follow the program”….”haven’t hit bottom” etc…. there is nothing earth shattering about working only with the “willing” few….

• This is also the case for most Recovery “innovations” you see being promoted. Every “breakthrough app” or transformative “tele-coaching” program is founded on the assumption of a motivated and compliant patient. Even though motivated and compliant patients comprise less than 10% of the disorder. It’s not innovation. Innovation requires paradigm shifts and much more risk.

Nothing ever changes (in terms of improved outcomes) until time, money, energy and effort is brought to bear on solving the “unwillingness” problem.

No More Hitting Bottom

Breaking the old hit bottom paradigm will not be easy:

• Time- to develop and test engagement protocols and staffing issues. 
• Money- substantial money to start up, execute and scale engagement and retention programs. 
• Energy-bringing in non-treatment/and non-recovery problem solvers. New blood and new ideas. Turn away from traditional gatekeepers for ideas. Nothing non-traditional comes out of the traditional… logic. Use logic. 
• Effort-find people who will execute on this like a start up business. Incentivize the effort. This is an 80 hour a week problem. Obsession is required to turn this thing around.

Again I ask the question – Is Addiction a Healthcare Issue?

The post Is Addiction a Healthcare Issue? appeared first on The Recovery Cartel.

I Am NOT a LIAR, CHEATER, Or Thief.

I was born on July 25th 1968. It was not a voluntary process. No one ask me if I wanted to be here. Nonetheless, there I was!

Of course, I celebrate my life. This is not another nihilistic rant from a Nietzche wannabe struggling though a midlife crisis. Although, I could write that post as well. Been there…done that.

Today, I’m focused on the roots of my addiction.

I was born into a family that had been riddled with mutligenerational trauma. By no choice of my own.

For The Record

For the record, my bloodline also held dear…a Calvinistic work ethic beyond compare. Work… like your salvation depends upon it…literally. This kept us out of the house, distracted and independent.

That reality, along with a superhero mother, allowed us to rise above the terror of my father’s demons. It could have been much, much worse.

However, no one can deny, violence, emotional abuse, insecurity, divorce, and the ever-present cloud of substance use guaranteed that my childhood would include a few scars. Literally and figuratively.

In the 1970’s and 1980’s the general idea was “suck it up”. Today we know that post-traumatic stress and adverse childhood experiences can produce lifelong problems. Including substance use disorders and poor outcomes in terms of physical health.

My memories are encoded with feelings of fear and terror. They are still there. Especially at night. Laying in bed waiting for it to start up again. Worse, trying to predict if it was going to pop off again tonight. What’s his mood? What’s next? What did she say? What was that?

Loud sounds at night make me jump. I can sleep better if there is noise in the background. When I was a kid in Pennyslvania the furnace would drown out the battle.

So…I still need the furnace. Sometimes.

The Message Was Clear:
Addicts & Alcoholics Are Bad People

I took my first drink when I was 14. Older dudes around the neighborhood shared some nasty cheap beer. It wasn’t love at first sight.

But it did provide relief. From that fear, anxiety, and trauma.

As time went by, my substance misuse escalated. I will spare the details because you have heard 10,000 addiction stories. By the time I was 29 it had progressed to any and all opiate based narcotics.

Thank God I was able to stumble into recovery at age 31.

I did some things while actively using substances that I wasn’t proud of and not true to my own values.

I was not a good husband or a good father. However, its important to note. I was not a horrible husband or father.

I jumped into recovery meetings and counseling. Quite frankly I knew I was done with that old lifestyle. I didn’t think much about what “program” to follow. I just followed directions.

Interestingly, 19 years ago, the professional counseling and self-help support groups were nearly indiscernible. I fear this is still the case in most places around the country. Hard to tell the difference between your rehab and your home group. The message was identical. Some version of:

“You did this to yourself. Take responsibility. Do as you are told and don’t question anything…Also, you’re “puffed up” and have an ego problem. Get honest, you are a liar, cheater and thief”.

Looking back, I still have gratitude for the people who helped me. Especially the members of the self-help groups I attended. They gave their time. They were amazing. I have less gratitude for the counselors and “therapists” who shoved one size fits all thoughts down my throat. They were paid for that?

However, nineteen years of personal and professional recovery related experience have provided some perspective.

Treatment Programs & Recovery Support
Built On “Ego-Deflation”

It is widely accepted that ego-deflation is the core of the process for the more traditional recovery pathways. 

This link will take you to some resources on 12-step literature that clearly lays out the need for ego-deflation. This doesn’t mean all groups or all providers apply the principles in the same manner. Some are more confrontational than others. 

However, there is no question that the focus is on breaking you down to then build you up.

For the record, there is very little clinical theory or evidence that backs up a therapeutic approach focused on ego-deflation. 

Rational emotive behavior therapy and some isolated practitioners are among proponents. It seems that narcissistic personality disorder is the one area where ego-deflation has been supported.

The (flawed) assumption that most “alcoholics and addicts” are narcissists would explain the wide-spread acceptance of the ego deflation philosophy.

…the overwhelming majority of those with substance use disorder are not narcissists. It’s nearly 8 times more likely they DO NOT HAVE narcissism than they do. 85% of people with substance use ARE NOT narcissists.

Basic socialization theory (when in Rome do as the Romans) explains why people would go along with the process. Despite their better judgment.

When they said I was a liar, cheater, and a thief I did not push back. I wanted to be accepted. Furthermore, questioning these concepts is indicative of a person who is unwilling. No one wants to be “unwilling”. In treatment, unfortunately, questioning authority will be labeled as “resistance” and sanctions will be used to “get you back on track”.

The process starts to take on a punishing tone. Of course there are rewards at the end of the tunnel. If you follow directions you can expect a better life. I was no exception. Stopping the destructive behavior improved my life.

But I was not, and I am not, a narcissistic, self-centered sub-human. That is not the core of my issue. I do not need torn down to be built up. I need specific support to be lifted up. Fortunately, I got that support.

Trauma Not Narcissism

Dr. Gabor Mate cuts right to the chase. He flat out says all addiction is an attempt to escape trauma.

I’m not sure I would go that far. I think substance misuse is complex and varied. It’s an individual experience and the stages, forms and pathways are diverse. I don’t think we can say that all addiction is related to trauma.

We could say, I think, that the majority of those with substance use disorder have underlying trauma. I know I do.

Most people are more comfortable with the punishing model.

Phrases like “call them on their shit” and “non-compliant patient” are commonplace.

Sadly, many of our professional “helping” institutions embrace the narcissism/sociopath model over the trauma model.

“We readily feel for the suffering child, but cannot see the child in the adult who, his soul fragmented and isolated, hustles for survival a few blocks away from where we shop or work.” Gabor Mate-In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts

Narcissism is relatively rare in the general population. Lifetime prevalence rates of 7.7% for men and 4.4% for women. 

Among people dealing with substance use disorder severe (addiction, dependency etc…) the numbers are higher: 14.1% and 10.5% respectively.

Let’s be clear about something. Compared to the general population, it’s 2x more likely that someone with a substance use disorder also has narcissistic personality disorder.

However, the overwhelming majority of those with substance use disorder are not narcissists. It’s nearly 8 times more likely they DO NOT HAVE narcissism than they do. 85% of people with substance use ARE NOT narcissists.

Therefore, it is likely that the ego-deflating model is not optimal for nearly 85% of those with a substance use disorder.

There is a growing push toward more comprehensive approach to substance use disorder treatment. This includes trauma informed care, co-occurring disorder treatment and the mainstream acceptance of harm reduction psycho-therapy.

Progress is being made but there is a need for more aggressive scaling of these alternative models.

Positive Recovery…

In the meantime we need to emphasize alternative, professionally supported recovery pathways. Pathways that are strengths-based and emphasizes what is right with you rather than what is wrong with you.

Right now the choices are few. That’s just a fact of life. The stigma of addiction does not promote creativity. You keep your head down and your mouth shut. No one was going to invent anything in the era of anonymity.

In addition, decades of suppressed collective intellectual curiosity among those working in the field has contributed to a sort of industry wide atrophy. If you had a truly new idea you were laughed out of the room.

FAVOR Greenville & Youturn

I know. I was the guy talking about buprenorphine before it was cool to talk about buprenorphine.

Fifteen years ago I had to go underground to provide a place for people to get help. My life as a secret medication assisted treatment therapist.

At FAVOR Greenville, and Youturn we are committed to sending a positive strengths based message.

We have developed recovery coaching and educational modules based on positive psychology and motivational interviewing. We also open the doors wide to alternative recovery programs such as SMART recovery.

The challenge is scaling this philosophy. Right now these ideas are the exception.

They need to become the rule.

Also check out our Recovery Cartel blog… and videos.

This article was originally published on the Rich Jones Medium Page, please visit and share with your friends and colleagues. – https://medium.com/@richj_87305

The post The Case For Positive Recovery! appeared first on The Recovery Cartel.

AN ENVIABLY LIFE

By all conventional measures I lived a very successful, popular, well received, enviable life. All the while hopelessly and helplessly addicted to prescription opiates.

I really thought I had it all figured out.

I was never unemployed. Never was I homeless and I have always had my family.

It was, however, all on the brink of unraveling. But I didn’t fit the stereotype.

RECOVERY ON THE WAY UP

We don’t do anyone a favor when we focus only on the worst parts of the disease.

When we talk only about the “bottom”. I got recovery on the way up.

For me it was a process. Not at my bottom.C

But I was clueless as how to do life without a party or an escapee So I got help.

A FUNDAMENTALIST

I got support. I will be forever grateful for those guys.

Early on I became a real recovery fundamentalist. My group knew best.

It was “Our Way or the Highway”. I was 100% sure my view was right and I made sure to tell everyone.

There was only one way to do it. And that was “Our Way”.

CHANGED PERCEPTION

Then I woke up. I looked around.

My professional work was the first place I learned about the reality of recovery. Many pathways.

That became my experience. Many people were getting better in many different ways.

My “ONE WAY ONLY” worldview, well that just wasn’t true.

LESSONS

I did the same thing with politics. I picked my side.

Listening mostly to people who agreed with me. We told each other how right we were.

Our worldview was righteous. Then I woke up.

That too, was not true.

I did the same thing with my career. Get a graduate degree. Follow the cookie-cutter path.

Work your way to be a “Director”.

Be a good soldier and accept that things are not perfect. But we are helping people and there is nothing we can do about it, right?

The saying “it is what it is” became our mantra.

Do this work for someone else or some treatment center until you can retire. Fit into the corporate structure!

AGAIN NOT TRUE

I thought this was the only way to make a living in this field. Then I woke up. It wasn’t true.

Life is open for the taking. Why do it halfway?

My learned advice is to pave your own path and invent your own reality.

Leave a mark on the world and make sure people know you were here.

I didn’t change my life so that I could do normal shit.

ALL THE WAY IN!

When I made that decision to put the drugs down I also made a decision to go all the way.

No more escape.

No more numbness.

If I wanted to stay numb — I would have stayed high.

Be bold and take your recovery and life to the fullest!

That would be a real and true enviable life.

P.S EXTRA NOTE – In this blogs photo above is me and my son Issac when he was 4 years old and I was 12 years in recovery. That is when we pulled up all our roots. We took a 50% pay-cut and moved to Greenville SC for a job that really didn’t even exist. Thanks!

The post My Enviable Life – “It Wasn’t True”… appeared first on The Recovery Cartel.

WE

We believe that the solution lies within you.

We are not experts who are here to diagnosis and label you.

We don’t provide instructions and directions unless you specifically ask us for instructions and directions.

We believe in the power of the human spirit.

We believe this spirit can not be completely extinguished by addiction and our job is to meet you where you are and help you ignite your change process.

You can not “flunk out” of FAVOR Greenville. There is no right or wrong way to do recovery.

STRENGTH IN NUMBERS

We know that there is a wide variety of pathways and we know 46% of people figure it out in their own way.

At the same time, we believe in the power of one recovering person helping another. So we enthusiastically encourage you to come see us.

You may be able to do this on your own but it will probably be much easier with others.

IT’S JUST LOVE

To the family members: we know that substance use disorder impacts everyone.

We know that at least 60% of Americans are directly impacted (probably more).

We know that you have been told to “step back” and wait for “bottom”. We are here to tell you that, although detachment is necessary in some cases, you do not have to wait for bottom.

A PROCESS

There is no such thing as tough love.

It’s just love; or the appropriate expression of love.

We know that one family member has more impact than 8 professionals.

We want you to become experts so you can feel confident as you deal with a loved one’s substance use disorder… because there is no magic solution available.

Recovery is a process not an event.

The post We Just Want Your Life To Improve appeared first on The Recovery Cartel.

My Time In Witness Protection
Secret Location – Rich Jones

I ventured out into the surrounding area of the Recovery Cartel’s W.P.P.C. (witness protection program cabin).

As you know we are in an undisclosed location deep in the Appalachian mountains.

We are so deep we don’t get cell coverage.

Had to pay $1.5 million for this special wi-fi package that allows me to maintain contact with the rest of the world.

We can only go out in the dark so that the Cartel or the KC Mob or the Hill People can’t get to us!

Getting Soft

It is so cold here. I nearly died of exposure out there tonight.

I had to kill a tauntaun on my way home and gut it with my light saber so I could crawl inside and stay warm until Reggie found me. #rescuedog. Here he is expressing his disgust for my weakness….

I made it but I must be getting soft.

Weapon of Mass Destruction

In the meantime back in the Upstate of South Carolina….

Xanax is a weapon of mass destruction.

Xanax is now a mainstream recreational drug. It’s commonplace in high schools across the Upstate.

Fake Xanax is a killer.

One that is poised for more exposure. As our country pushes down on opioids the cartels will need to make other drugs more addictive… they must come up with a new product line.

Fake Xanax is part of the new product line.

Multinational Corporations

These cartels are multinational corporations with strategy and R & D and product development.

They aren’t just thugs slinging dope.

They innovate and invent new product.

Economics

They are not interested in losing market share IF the opioid market is suppressed.

It’s simple economics…

If people stop buying my pepperoni pizza I’m going to make my double cheese, pineapple pizza more appetizing and see if that can replace market share lost on the pepperoni pizza.

If they are gonna try and reduce demand and push down on opioids/heroin let’s see if we can make Xanax more addictive.

Xanax is the drug of choice for many young people…

The post My Time In Witness Protection & Weapons of Mass Destruction appeared first on The Recovery Cartel.

FAVOR Greenville Coaches

First We Have a Few Thing to Get Across!

FAVOR Greenville Coaches believe that:

1. You already have the answers to your problems within you.
2. It should be our job to help you uncover these answers.
3. You are a valued person.
4. You are NOT a liar, cheater and a thief.
5. Some of these things you may have done, but that is not who you are.
6. You are in recovery if you say you are in recovery and no one has to approve your membership.
7. You are a valuable human being.

If You Are Struggling

If you are struggling with a co-occurring disorder such as depression you need to find people who support recovery from mental health JUST AS MUCH as recovery from substance use disorder.

Find helpful people who understand the whole person. Helpful people can be found in a wide variety of places.

Therapist, sponsors, coaches, friends, mentors, co-workers, teachers, people at church, family.

How Much They Care

The most important quality of an effective and supportive person is NOT THEIR KNOWLEDGE or the credentials they hold. The most important quality of a supportive person is how much they care. And they must be genuine.

They need to be honest with themselves and honest with you. It is very hard to get what you need from a phony person. And there are many phony people wandering about in today’s world.

Helpful people are healthy themselves and they are constantly looking to grow.

It’s very hard to help others if you are stagnant.

When you are in the presence of a helpful person you usually feel lifted up.

You feel better about yourself after the interaction. Not worse about yourself.

They do not preach to you or lecture you or talk down to you.

Helpful People Listen

More importantly, helpful people listen.

They listen to learn they do not listen to answer. They are genuinely curious and interested in your world.

There are 2 types of people in this world.

The first type is the person who walks into a room and everyone is happy. The other type is the person who walks out of a room and everyone is happy. Find people who fall into group 2….

If you are in the helping professions and you do not fall into group 2…you may want to rethink your profession. There is no room for miserable human service workers…

Final Note From Rich

You are worthy of a life worth living and there is no one way to get there. You can figure it out but it may be easier with some guidance along the way. FAVOR Greenville Coaches, Michelle Handler and Tricia Lawdahl both stand ready to assist and help you on your journey!

FAVOR Greenville

For More Info and Details About FAVOR Coaches click the button below.

 FAVOR Greenville

The post FAVOR Greenville Coaches Are Helpful People. appeared first on The Recovery Cartel.

JUST SAY NO, Again by Richard Jones

Understanding the process of human behavior change is a difficult thing for most of us.  We are conditioned by cultural messages of “pull yourself up by your bootstraps” and “ just do it ”.

Our heroes are often people who overcame great odds through sheer will and determination.  Motivational speakers rip us a new one and tell us to get up earlier and never give in.  Self-help gurus tell us that self-talk and surrounding ourselves with the just the “right people” will make the change stick.

They tell us to bring our game to a new level.  Of course, there is some truth to all these things.

However, in reality behavior change is a complex process that varies from person to person. It is especially ironic that behavior change is so misunderstood by the general public; given the fact psychologists know quite a bit about human behavior change.

Neurobiology of Addiction

The issue of behavior change is even more pronounced where addiction is concerned; given the neurobiology and brain change associated with this issue.

Addiction adds fuel to the existing ambivalence around changing substance use behavior.  The individual is impaired and just “not thinking straight” and this makes the change even more difficult.

With the best of intentions we will confront people in addiction and offer advice.  We demand they change and push remedies and solutions. We do this because we want to help.  It is very natural and it is know as “the righting reflex”.

However, in the overwhelming majority of cases our efforts to influence change produce the exact opposite of the stated intent.

Instead of driving the person toward recovery, these efforts drive the person deeper into the behavior.

When you argue with someone about the seriousness of their substance misuse issue they argue back.

As they argue back and debate their position it reinforces the “rightness” of their position.  The more we say something out loud the more we believe it.

Understanding the Righting Reflex

In terms of behavior change the righting reflex is the “common human tendency to try and make things right”.

You are out with your girlfriend and she is talking about her toxic relationship with her mother.  She is going on and on about “every phone call turning bad”.  You can tell she is upset.

You care for your girlfriend.  So you offer some unsolicited (obvious) advice:  “Why don’t you just hang up on her the next time she starts in on you”.

Your girlfriend instantly looks at you like you are a monster from the Texas Chainsaw Massacre series.

She tells you “I can NOT BELIEVE HOW INSENSITIVE YOU ARE”….and then she immediately rushes home and calls her mom to report your behavior, pounds a carton of ice-cream, and spends the night bashing you.  Her mother joins in for good measure.  It turns into a memorable night.

Although the above situation may be humorous, the scenario with addiction is dead serious.

Addiction is a Brain Disease

Remember addiction is a brain disease that makes processing, analyzing, and integrating information very difficult.  We are predisposed to defend our addiction and justify our actions and are primed for an argument.

We will debate you to death if it means we can hang onto our substance use.  When someone approaches us with instructions, unsolicited advice, or confrontational statements we will enter into fight or flight and it is unlikely we assimilate anything that is said.

 Note: This does not mean you ignore bad behavior. This means you convey your boundaries and plan your intervention in a strategic way. You avoid the arguments and stick to your expectations and the associated bottom lines.  Mean what you say, say what you mean, but don’t say it mean. 

Theory of Change:

People change for a wide variety of factors. Many times, I would argue most times, these factors are not the obvious factors.

For example, we say to ourselves “you would think Rich would quit drinking given the fact he is going to lose his job”.  What we don’t know is the value Rich places on his job and the impact this may have on him.

Unfortunately, the same could be said for the threat of lost marriages or losing custody of children.  Even the threat of jail leaves many un-phased.

However, I believe in the human spirit. I believe all people, no matter how low they have been using, have desires and values they hold dear.

They may not be able to access this easily as it is buried under layers of guilt, remorse, shame, and learned helplessness.  But it is there.  The good is there and their personal values are there.

Change will arise when the tension between your stated values and your current behaviors becomes unbearable.

If I value my family or believe my family is important and I become aware that using is detrimental to my family and I continue to use; the internal tension can provoke change.

IF I AM ABLE TO GET IN TOUCH WITH THAT TENSION.

Use to Avoid the Tension and Pain

Many times, we will run from that tension and use to avoid the tension or numb the emotional pain.

This is where interventions, support groups and professional support can help the person access his or her true nature. The internal tension between stated values and behavioral reality is called COGNITIVE DISSONANCE.

We will also “argue with ourselves” regarding these beliefs or values and the supporting information.  Also, we can talk ourselves out of the dissonance.  We can question our own reality.

This is very pronounced where addiction is concerned.

We believe that the essence of coaching and counseling is facilitating a trusting relationship with the person in need.

If we have a relationship we can process events, explore behaviors, and highlight the existing tensions.

If I break out into a speech along the lines of “change or die” I am highly unlikely to ever see the person again.  He or she will isolate and continue to talk themselves out of the need for change.

We believe it is much better outcome to keep a connection.

We also believe that the process of change is accelerated in the context of a therapeutic relationship.

Obviously, it is difficult for family members or friends to provide that therapeutic relationship. Finding competent supports for the individual in need is essential to the process.

However, family members and friends can develop a realistic view of what works in behavior change. This awareness may save you a bunch of time, energy and emotion.  Be strategic about supporting behavior change.

Deliver Boundaries and Information

Deliver Boundaries and Information In a Matter of Fact/Calm Manner. Perhaps the best thing family members can do is to provide clear and consistent information and boundaries around the substance use.  Try to deliver the information and expectations in a rational non-emotional way.

There are generally accepted “stages of change”.  Many times, we will act as if the person is in “preparation” or “action” when they are actually in pre-contemplation or contemplation.  If we move faster than the person in need we will sabotage the process.

None of this is easy and everyone makes mistakes.  It’s an emotionally laden experience and many times we will not think before we speak.  Just remember your main goal is to move the process along.

Sometimes this requires a calm approach when you feel compelled toward a more confrontation process.

Come see us soon at FAVOR Greenville family groups or check out my live stream…

The post JUST SAY NO TO JUST SAY NO… appeared first on The Recovery Cartel.

This is My Story – Rich Jones

My name is Richard Jones and this is my story!

When I was “out there” in active addiction I was vaguely aware of what “addiction” was.

My job exposed me to the mental health world as I worked in healthcare.  I was not a clinician so my knowledge remained on a superficial level. However, I was aware that the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual (DSM) was the “book” used to diagnose both mental health and substance use disorders.

I had access to these manuals via my “psychiatrist co-workers” in the health system.

On many occasions,

I found myself looking over the criteria for substance abuse and dependency-as it was called at that time; 1998…

• I would read the criteria and read it over and over again.
• I would dissect the words and see if it applied to me.
• I was not living under a bridge or eating out of a dumpster.
• I had not been to jail.
• I was losing my family…but I had not lost my family.

Most of my consequences were internal.

• I was never sleeping.
• I was “dope-sick”/experiencing withdrawal on most days but didn’t really know what was happening to me.
• I was using opioid based pain pills that I was getting prescribed (from several doctors).
• I never bought it off the street.

This allowed me to buy into the concept that “it was from a doctor and couldn’t be that bad”.

• I was always running out early.
• I was always terrified of running out early.
• I had suicidal thoughts.

But no one really knew what was going on with me.  Not even my family.

• I was in an internal hell.

But it wasn’t dramatic and

• I wasn’t a “scum-bag, liar, cheater, and thief” of an addict.
• I was a pretty high functioning person who was quietly, yet desperately, dependent on substances to get through the day.

Oh…on a side note: alcohol was ever present and I was probably more dependent on that substance.  It was just socially acceptable and therefore I didn’t identify it as the main problem.

The Manual Said

Man… I would look at that Diagnostic Manual and play with the criteria in my mind.

The manual said “inability to control use” was a symptom:

• I would tell myself that really didn’t apply to me because “it wasn’t lack of control.
• I actually wanted to drink 24 beers and eat 10 Percocet… so I was in control…it was my choice”.

The manual said “can’t cut down” was a symptom:

• I would tell myself that I really could cut down if I wanted “I just haven’t decided to yet”…

The manual said “interpersonal problems due to using”:

• I told myself that my wife had an attitude problem and it really wasn’t on me…

And I looked at this manual over and over…and as time went by I had more and more trouble writing it off.  But I was always able to do so.

Because I was NEVER TALKING TO ANYONE ABOUT THIS.

I Never Discussed My Substance Use

My mom, my wife, told me to see counselors or “go to AA” and I flat out refused.

• I was clueless as to what was happening to me…

I turned the book upside down to see if it made more sense from a different angle.

• I couldn’t figure it out.

Once I went to an EAP counselor and I was just waiting for her to ask me about my use and give me some answers.  But all we talked about was “stress” and “career planning”.

You see…she wasn’t a drug and alcohol “specialist”. So we didn’t go there.

I just simply never discussed my substance use with anyone despite the fact that it was destroying my life.  And it got worse and I did temporarily lose my mind and my family and my sense of purpose and my future.

• Why did it have to roll on so long????
• Did I have to “hit bottom”?
• Did I have to “become ready”?

Or

• Would I have benefitted from a conversation.

I Found Recovery

As you can probably assume…I eventually found recovery and went back to school and got a graduate degree in Sociology with concentration in Addiction studies, became a therapist, went back and got an MBA with a concentration in healthcare management.

I jumped through a bunch of hoops a got licenses and certifications.

Started working in the field in 2001—basically as soon as I entered recovery.  And I’ve learned a lot.  Both personally and professionally.

Based on all this…What do I believe people need to know:

• Substance use disorder. It is a real problem.  It’s a brain issue.  It’s not bad behavior or just a bad habit.  It will get worse and it will not just go away on its own.
• That said…it takes on many different variations. Just like other diseases there are different stages or different “species” of addiction.  There is no such thing as a garden variety drug addict—as you so often hear people say.  The word addict is demeaning and people say addicts are scumbags and liars and cheaters and thieves.  That doesn’t help and it’s not accurate.  It’s an individualized experience.  Don’t buy into the hype.
• Following logically behind premise number 2–there are multiple ways to “get better”. There is no one prescribed way to recover.  It is an individualized experience
• I wish someone would have engaged my family in the process. Families are profoundly impacted and deserve information. Families should be included not removed from the process. Unless their involvement is dangerous for the person needing recovery or for the family members.
• You are allowed to talk to someone without making a commitment to quit everything all together and “never take another drink”. This would have been the most beneficial piece of information for me when I was “out there”.   I stayed away from “addiction counselors” for years because I wasn’t going to “quit everything”.
• You don’t automatically need to go to rehab. There is actually a clinical assessment process that indicates level of care.  You would never know that based on the media and based on the behavior of some rehab marketers.  But rehab is not always necessary.
• There are many people in recovery who did not go to jail and/or ate out of a dumpster. We have allowed ourselves to become caricatures and we promote stereotypes of the scumbag drug addict. I’m sure this chases many people away from recovery.  Don’t buy into that… it’s a very diverse crowd.
• There is medicine available that can support recovery. Staying alive is first on the agenda. Don’t let uneducated and uniformed people tell you otherwise. It’s not the only option.  But it is an option.
• It may be hard to find people who are willing to meet you where you are at in the process of change. Keep looking. Professionals are wrong when they blindly confront you and prescribe one size fits all solutions. Don’t quit the process based on a bad experience. Find another meeting or another therapist or another program. Be your own advocate.
• If you are using heroin or “pills from the street” (or apparently cocaine)–In today’s world of carfentanil and fentanyl please understand you are playing Russian roulette every time you use.  It is better to seek help even if you are “not sure you are ready for recovery” and let a professional help you figure out options…than it is to continue on until you “hit bottom”.  Hitting bottom today means death…too often.

YOU CAN GET BETTER…LIFE CAN BE BETTER.

YOU WILL BE ABLE TO SLEEP AGAIN…

YOU WILL BE ABLE TO LOOK AT YOURSELF IN THE MIRROR AGAIN.

The post MY STORY – ADDICTION AND RECOVERY. appeared first on The Recovery Cartel.

SUPPORT NOT JUDGEMENT by Rich Jones

Proper Support is Key

When dealing with our children’s addiction having the proper support is key.

We all want to put our best self forward. It is human nature. The sociologist Irvin Goffman referred to this as “impression management”.

We want to be viewed as competent and our children to be viewed as successful. Of course we want our marriages to be viewed as blissful as well as wanting our schools to be top notch and our community to be viewed as impeccable.

This has always been the case. Of course, Facebook has taken impression management to an entirely new level. We want the picture to look perfect, however, addiction makes the picture ugly. Unfortunately, these tendencies to hide the truth play right into the hands of addiction.

Denial exists on the individual level, the family level and the community level. Admitting that addiction has entered the scene is a very difficult thing to do. It comes with so much shame and embarrassment.

Keeping People from Getting Help

The stigma around addiction is alive and well and it keeps people from seeking help. It also contributes to the family tendency to unintentionally protect the addiction.

We don’t want others to know so we suffer in silence and we hope for the best. Many families won’t even talk to other family members for fear of being judged. We also know this can extend itself to our schools and other community institutions.

If we aren’t careful there will be a collective effort to minimize the seriousness of substance use disorders.
This is especially pronounced where parents are concerned.

What for Intrusive Thoughts

When you are dealing with a child who is struggling with addiction there will be a lot of fear based and anxiety. Intrusive thoughts can and will invade your consciousness.

Thoughts like:

• What do we do now?
• Is he going to make it out alive?
• What if he winds up in jail?
• Where do we send him for help?
• Where did we go wrong?
• How do we pay for this help?

Many uncomfortable “scenarios” will be played out in your mind.

You will spend an inordinate amount of time trying to figure out all the possible outcomes. This process is natural and hard to avoid. You will learn to manage the troublesome thoughts and ideas. Although, they do seem to come on they come naturally.

All of this contributes to a great deal of stress and can manifest itself in serious physical and mental health problems for parents.

But there are some UNNECESSARY thoughts that may pop up.

What Will They Think

This category will suck the life out of parents. These thoughts serve no purpose and will ultimately make the entire recovery process more difficult to manage.

We call this the “WHAT WILL “THEY” THINK CATEGORY.

You may ask. Who is this mysterious “they”?

“They” are all the people in your life that you believe will judge you and your kid harshly. Could be friends, could be family, could be acquaintances, could be co-workers, could be the preacher at church, could be anyone… anyone you are concerned may pass judgement.

Examples include:

• What will grandma and grandpa think about this situation?
• The preacher, what will think about my son?
• What will my co-workers think about this issue?
• What will the ladies my prayer group say about his behavior?

These are the thoughts that need to be crushed. Parents have enough on their plate.

We are Dealing with  a Healthcare Issue

Adding the emotional turmoil of societal judgment will impede their ability to solve problems, think clearly and manage the very real stress associated with the situation.

Substance use disorders are a healthcare issue and should be treated as such.

If a person is drinking too much or using substances at a dangerous level it needs to be talked about and addressed. There is nothing to be ashamed of in seeking help. There is no downside to asking questions.

Developing a Strategy and Plan

Family members need an outlet to explore their concerns and individuals need ease of access to start the recovery process. We must create environments of open sharing and positivity.

We must make recovery a welcoming process. There needs to be an uplifting and empowering “vibe” around recovery.

Parents need to look for information and support and ultimately start to develop a plan for managing the issue:
Some simple and practical advice:

1. Inform and educate yourself on the subject of addiction and recovery.
2. Look for books and resources and look to experts but be careful because many people have declared themselves instant experts. Make sure they are people with experience in this area.
3. Reach out to other parents who have dealt with addiction. This makes a great resource.
4. Make a plan for your recovery and a plan for “your response” to the CURRENT STAGE of your loved one’s disease. Again, education is paramount.
5. Find a coach or supportive person to encourage and guide you as you make these plans.
6. Work the plan. Every time you get off track get right back on the plan.
7. Maintain Contact with your coach as your work the plan.

Encouragement and supportive advice is essential throughout.

The post Support Not Judgement with Child’s Addiction appeared first on The Recovery Cartel.