NEWS ALERT – THIS JUST IN
GREAT NEWS FOR ALL
THIS JUST IN: WASHINGTON D.C. Feb. 29, 2020 8:30 p.m. EST for worldwide distribution.
The Center for Disease Control with the coordination of the U.S. Department of Health & Human Services urges all international drug cartels and local dealers operating within the United States of America and it’s territories to cease and desist distribution and sales of all illicit drugs.
The list includes but not limited to the following:
- heroin
- cocaine
- methamphetamine
- ketamine
- fake pills
- real pills
- fake fentanyl
- real fentanyl
- cane toads ( (Rhinella marina, also known as the giant neotropical toad.)
NOTE: This must be done immediately and stay in effect until the coronavirus is contained.
POT IS EXCLUDED FROM THIS ORDER
Marijuana is still approved for distribution. Because it comes from the earth and it’s actually medicine.
The CDC is confident that the cartels and dealers will act responsibly in this time of national crisis.
Dr. Ida Manincharge said:
“We have had what I would characterize as very productive talks with the cartel leadership. We have found common ground.
With the help of these fine sociopaths I’m certain we can move on the coronavirus with the same level of efficiency and effectiveness used in addressing the opioid crisis”….
THE FDA
The U.S. Food and Drug Administration also weighed in.
Dr. Susan Purdue said:
“The American public can rest easy knowing that the FDA is standing guard.
We fully support the cartel quarantine program.
Remember, any program and/or drug we approve is safe and effective. Just look at the miracle drug OxyContin”.
THE AMA
The American Medical Association showed their support for the cartel quarantine program:
When asked about the program the esteemed Dr. Winslow Treatandstreet had the following input:
“I have no idea why people keep asking me about addiction. I don’t give a shit. Those people did it to themselves.
Last week they had me testify at some “confidentiality” meeting.
Who cares if some addict’s confidentiality is blown up. He’s a junkie.
As far as the cartel quarantine program goes: I say all good as long as no one touches my hippie lettuce”.
NEWS FROM SPACE
And finally the head of the Intergalactic Drug and Alcohol ABUSE Treatment Association, IDA&AATA, Mr Ken Igetmorefunding, offered his full support:
“Americans should feel blessed to have these esteemed experts at the table.
The swift implementation of OPERATION CARTEL QUARANTINE will most certainly save lives and drive down naloxone distribution.
Which ultimately is a good thing”.