Happiness Is Misleading.

What do we know about being happy or happiness?

Actually, we know quite a bit. First, we know that happiness is a misleading term. For most people, being happy or experiencing happiness equals“fun” or “joy”. Those things are part of the good life. However, neither of those constitute a satisfying life in and of themselves.

We should get rid of the term happiness.

Instead, we should focus on SUBJECTIVE WELL BEING (SWB). 

There are other terms that capture the SWB spirit. Contentment, life satisfaction, serenity, personal wellness, self-actualization are in the same ballpark.

Whatever term fits best with your personal world-view. The important thing to keep in mind, we are not pursuing joy or happiness alone.

We are pursuing a state of being. We are pursuing a mindset. A happy mindset.

Where Do We Begin?

In 1993 Martin Seligman launched the discipline of positive psychology. Seligman was the president of the American Psychological Association at the time.

Seligman had access to some of the best minds in psychology and some of the best information in psychology.

He was disillusioned with the psychotherapeutic focus on pathology rather than strengths. He was stunned with the complete void of research surrounding happiness. Seligman responds by starting a new discipline. He and his colleagues begin the process of unpacking well-being.

Sigmund Freud reportedly said, “the goal of psychotherapy is to get you to ordinary human misery”. The goal of positive psychology is to help you thrive not just survive.

The positive psychology crew focused on the following:

1. Using the scientific method and gold-standard research practices, the team identified universal characteristics, traits, and behaviors of the “happiest people on the planet”. They found many common factors that transcend race, gender, socio-economic status, ethnicity, and culture.
   
2. The crew developed psychologically sound interventions that address these characteristics. These interventions were tested, evaluated, and refined. The result is a very pragmatic and hopeful set of action-oriented interventions that are proven to improve mood and raise subjective well-being.

The Subjective Well Being (SWB) plan:

It stands to reason then, that we can take these interventions and form a very practical and easy to implement an action plan. We can develop a SWB plan!

How does the SWB plan work?

1. Start with an understanding of “happiness”. You can do this in a variety of ways. Ideally, you have a coach or instructor that can help you learn the content, clarify concerns, and answer questions. However, you may have to engage in self-study. I utilize an 8-week educational program to guide my clients and my groups. The syllabus covers the basics and leaves participants with a very good understanding of the principles of positive psychology.
   
2. Once you have knowledge of the principles: Find 3 or 4 positive psychology principles to focus on. Discuss their application to current life situations and explore the actions/interventions that are associated with each principle. 
   NOTE: the University of Pennsylvania Authentic Happiness website has a questionnaire section. These assessment tools can help you identify focus areas.

Here is an example of positive psychology principles driving individualized interventions. Guided by assessment and self-awareness.

The VIA-Character strengths questionnaire is used to identify top character strengths (there are 24 universal character strengths). Examples of character strength include creativity, bravery, curiosity, appreciation of beauty, and gratitude.

Let’s pretend you take the VIA-Character strengths questionnaire and “gratitude” appears at the top of the list.

The intervention calls for an intentional focus on doing things that tap into “gratitude”.

Be Happy – 3 Good Things

Therefore, you begin to actively practice the positive psychology intervention of “3 GOOD THINGS”

3 GOOD THINGS = Every day, at the end of the day, you write down “3 Good Things” that happened that day.

You commit to 30 consecutive days and you agree to never list a good thing twice. No repeat “good things”.

This will quickly force you to concentrate on recognizing good things throughout the course of the day. You will be tapping into the character strength of gratitude.

3. Identify the specific interventions you will integrate into your life. As discussed above, these interventions should specifically target positive psychology principles consistent with your individual profile. No two SWB plans are 100% the same.

Once you identify these focus actions, write it down. Then simply put one foot in front of the other.

If you make a mistake, get right back on the wagon. Day by day you will build new habits and subjective well-being will be within your grasp.

A Few More Happy Examples:

Principle: There is a formula for happiness or SWB:

SWB = 50% Set Point (S) + 10% Circumstances (‘C) + 40% Voluntary Control (VC)

Set point (S): You were born this way. This is the “nature” aspect of being happy or happiness. Your personality and your “make-up”. Simply put, some people are happier than others. Some people are more grumpy. Some nationalities are happier. Also, other nationalities are naturally more negative. It is what it is. You can’t change this.

Circumstance: External conditions. Finances. Health. Family issues and so on. These circumstances can be good or bad. Winning the lottery versus getting in a terrible car accident.

On the whole, over time, circumstances will account for about 10% of your overall SWB. Many times circumstances are out of your control.

However, Positive Psychology does provide specific interventions that help people through challenging circumstances. For example, how to respond to suffering is a question Positive Psychology tries to answer.

In addition, there will be certain “circumstances” which can be improved. Physical health problems, for example, can be improved via nutrition, sleep, and exercise.

Positive Psychology focuses on what you can control. Do what you can to improve the circumstances.

Voluntary Control: This is the main focus of Positive Psychology. 40% of your mood on any given day is under your voluntary control and can be directly influenced by intentional activities, disciplined thinking, and preparation. Most Positive Psychology interventions influence the area of voluntary control.

Action Planning

Using these general principles, develop a simple and direct action plan.

Focus on improving the areas of obvious need. Don’t overthink.

Example of an “Action Plan”:

Self-assessment: My circumstances could be improved by taking better care of my physical health. I don’t feel well many days and that influences my outlook and interactions.

Steps: Sleep at least 6 hours | Stop eating sugary snacks and hammering Red Bull energy drinks all day.

Voluntary Control: I could be more present and grateful.

Steps: Utilize “3 Good Things” to develop optimism, notice the positive and nurture gratitude.

Take a minute and do your own self-assessment.

• What circumstantial challenges are you facing right now?
• Can you do anything to change or improve the situation?
• What can you do to improve your attitude?

Positive Psychology

Use the Positive Psychology website to identify other interventions that improve outcomes in the area of voluntary control.

This website provides a great resource for solution-focused positive psychology interventions: https://positivepsychology.com/positive-psychology-interventions/

Note: Mental Health concerns such as anxiety and depression are very real.

If you are seeing a therapist or under the care of a psychiatrist please DO NOT change the treatment plan. These interventions are not meant to replace medical care.

Photo by Nicolas Castez on Unsplash

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AN ENVIABLY LIFE

By all conventional measures I lived a very successful, popular, well received, enviable life. All the while hopelessly and helplessly addicted to prescription opiates.

I really thought I had it all figured out.

I was never unemployed. Never was I homeless and I have always had my family.

It was, however, all on the brink of unraveling. But I didn’t fit the stereotype.

RECOVERY ON THE WAY UP

We don’t do anyone a favor when we focus only on the worst parts of the disease.

When we talk only about the “bottom”. I got recovery on the way up.

For me it was a process. Not at my bottom.C

But I was clueless as how to do life without a party or an escapee So I got help.

A FUNDAMENTALIST

I got support. I will be forever grateful for those guys.

Early on I became a real recovery fundamentalist. My group knew best.

It was “Our Way or the Highway”. I was 100% sure my view was right and I made sure to tell everyone.

There was only one way to do it. And that was “Our Way”.

CHANGED PERCEPTION

Then I woke up. I looked around.

My professional work was the first place I learned about the reality of recovery. Many pathways.

That became my experience. Many people were getting better in many different ways.

My “ONE WAY ONLY” worldview, well that just wasn’t true.

LESSONS

I did the same thing with politics. I picked my side.

Listening mostly to people who agreed with me. We told each other how right we were.

Our worldview was righteous. Then I woke up.

That too, was not true.

I did the same thing with my career. Get a graduate degree. Follow the cookie-cutter path.

Work your way to be a “Director”.

Be a good soldier and accept that things are not perfect. But we are helping people and there is nothing we can do about it, right?

The saying “it is what it is” became our mantra.

Do this work for someone else or some treatment center until you can retire. Fit into the corporate structure!

AGAIN NOT TRUE

I thought this was the only way to make a living in this field. Then I woke up. It wasn’t true.

Life is open for the taking. Why do it halfway?

My learned advice is to pave your own path and invent your own reality.

Leave a mark on the world and make sure people know you were here.

I didn’t change my life so that I could do normal shit.

ALL THE WAY IN!

When I made that decision to put the drugs down I also made a decision to go all the way.

No more escape.

No more numbness.

If I wanted to stay numb — I would have stayed high.

Be bold and take your recovery and life to the fullest!

That would be a real and true enviable life.

P.S EXTRA NOTE – In this blogs photo above is me and my son Issac when he was 4 years old and I was 12 years in recovery. That is when we pulled up all our roots. We took a 50% pay-cut and moved to Greenville SC for a job that really didn’t even exist. Thanks!

The post My Enviable Life – “It Wasn’t True”… appeared first on The Recovery Cartel.

Work/Life Balance

There is no such thing as “work/life balance” …it’s just LIFE.

For millennia mankind required no discussion of work/life balance.

There was no such thing as work vs life.

Hunter/gatherers weren’t trying to figure out a way to balance berry picking and mammoth-killing with kids, vacation, completing errands and “self-care”. You just did life.

You died at like 25…. no need for retirement planning.

Civilization

On and on we go. “Civilization” brings a new type of work but, again, there is no separation between work and life.

Medieval Europe and the feudal system produced a horrible state of life for most but there was no time spent trying to manage work/life balance.

You just worked with your family. That was life. On and on this way.

Farming communities provided some of the first opportunities for “downtime” and time off according to the seasons.

The American Way

In America, everyone in the family/community worked together on a similar schedule.

Everyone played together as well. A rhythm to life.

Yet, throughout most of human history, being a farmer, or a blacksmith, wasn’t meant to be reflected upon.

You just did it and your family and community did the same. Or they died. Pretty simple formula.

The Industrial Revolution

Fast forward to the industrial revolution which is firmly established by 1800.

Urban populations explode. Manufacturing and factory life. However, there was no discussion of work/life balance.

Again, everyone is trying to survive.

A professional class is beginning to emerge (managers, owners) and they may have a different way of life.

But overall, there is no such thing as work/life balance. It’s all life.

By the 1920’s, however, white collar work is becoming more prevalent.

Management and the emergence of “knowledge work”. Technology explodes. Exponential advancements.

Life, for many people, becomes comfortable and involves some level of leisure.

Time Off

Time off becomes a “thing”.

It’s about this time (1940’s) that the concept of “work/life” balance makes its debut.

Interestingly, it’s most often used in reference to people working in white collar jobs.

Arguably, the easier type of work from a long term health standpoint.

Work on a computer and giving talks, and running meetings is not as hard as digging ditches or building houses.

Stacking Boards

My grandfather owned a lumber company.

He would cut trees down and turn them into boards. For 16 hours a day. For years. Day in and day out.

If someone would have told him to “take some time to take care of himself” he would have been thoroughly confused.

No one even thought that way back then. It was a non-concept. Literally. It did not exist.

At that same time, however, the manager at IBM was being told to focus on work/life balance.

Make sure you don’t get too tired punching that keyboard?

A New Concept

A.) Work/life balance is brand new social construct: its only about 60 or 70 years old.

In the context of millions of years of human work it’s nonsensical construct. Ridiculous.

B.) There is no reason to focus on work/life balance: go back to our roots.

Focus instead on life and designing a life you want.

C.) A key theme across humanity seems to be rhythm: time off is important.

However, the history of man shows that time off followed “seasons” more than “weekends” or “getting off by 5pm”.

Not Ordained by God

We need to complete meaningful work and take time off according to the seasons of our life.

Not some arbitrary societal construct. It’s all made up.

Just because it’s normal doesn’t mean it’s righteous. Retirement planning and the 40 hour work week were not ordained by God.

My Life, My Design

I will design my life according to the needs of my family and my work. Not according to the norms of society.

I may work 100 hours a week for the next year and then take a year off. Or I may work 60 hours a week and take 4 day weekends. I don’t know.

But I can assure you “their opinion” and “work/life balance” will have zero bearing on my decisions.

“They” like to label me a workaholic because I fall outside the norm.

That’s what they do…. to keep everyone in line.

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