Pandemic

The Momentum Story

What do I mean, Momentum? It starts like this. In 1999, I “hung around” recovery rooms. To get the heat off.

My opinion on recovery was pretty silly at that time.

If I were to summarize my take on recovery in 1999 it would be as follows: “It’s impossible for me to recover.

Recovery is for other people. A select few. Like winning the lottery”.

In 2001 my opinion shifted…dramatically.

Clarity

It wasn’t a moment of clarity. More like simply clarity. It did not come and go–like a moment. It was weird.

All the sudden, it was incredibly clear that substance use disorder was real.

More importantly, it was clear that I could recover. I could live with out drugs and alcohol. I’ve been in recovery since.

2002: Getting Started

In 2002, I started working full time in the drug and alcohol treatment industry and the mental health field.

I always had to work multiple jobs at the same time, because you couldn’t make a living on the entry level salary in this field. You don’t get paid much.

So you work part-time and constantly have side hustles to pay the bills.

I went back to school and got a Masters of Arts degree in Sociology with a concentration in addiction studies. Then I also earned an MBA with a concentration in healthcare management.

I was learning on the fly. I learned a lot. And I adopted the opinions of the industry.

The Traditionalist

I was a hard-core “traditionalist”. There was one way to recover. My opinion had evolved.

In 2004 things started to change a little bit. I became the director of an assertive community treatment team. Working with folks with long-term mental health / co-occurring disorders.

I was “forced” into an immersion/training program in motivational interviewing/harm-reduction.

It was clear that my personal recovery pathway was not the only way.

Questions Arise???

It was clear that many people required harm-reduction. It was clear that many, many people did not have the resources I had.

They did not have the recovery capital that I had.

It was unfair to assume they could follow the same path I took. At the end of the day, I still thought there was only way to recover.

But my opinion was evolving. The evidence was clear and I was a compassionate person.

Clearly, we needed to open our minds.

But I wasn’t sure how to make sense of all of this.

The Kids

In 2007, I started working full time with adolescents and that challenged my thinking even further.

A 16 year-old marijuana smoker is entirely different than a 40 year-old alcoholic.

The model must be different.

I got deeper into motivational interviewing and got trained in family systems.

My opinion evolved.

Clearly, the family was key and there were many ways to “get better”.

The Opioid Epidemic

2007-2012: The opioid epidemic ramps up.

Western Pennsylvania was Ground Zero. People start to die before they even get a chance to recover.

Several “kids” I knew well died. I felt like there was imminent danger all around.

The concept of “hitting bottom” starts to sound like non-sense.

So many things that seemed to be self-evident truths now seemed to be dangerous slogans.

The Company Line

Medication assisted treatment starts to get promoted at that time.

But many people in the rooms, and many professionals, reject the idea of MAT. They reject the idea of harm-reduction.

I simply can not make myself toe the company/industry line.

I start to say things that are not acceptable within in the traditional framework of recovery “thinking”. (ie…multiple pathways etc…).

I stop getting invited to speak at the conferences. My opinion evolved. My opinion was problematic.

It’s All About To Change

As a matter of fact. I start to get downright aggravated with conventional thinking.

2012: I land at FAVOR Greenville and I go next level.

My role as an “advocate” is hard to manage.

When do I speak out? How do I speak out?

I start doing “car rants”. I push back hard against conventional “recovery” wisdom.

It gets… a bit ridiculous. My opinion, has evolved. The pendulum has swung the other way.

2019-2020: My Opinion Evolves “Too Much”

The pandemic crushes me and my family. The stress, the co-occurring mental health.

It becomes apparent that the “pendulum” swung too far the other way as I become borderline obsessed with alternative models.

However, there is a big part of me that needs traditional models.

Both professionally (for referrals etc…) and personally (because it works). It is clear that I do not want the models to go away.

I Want to Add Things

I want to add things to existing systems. NOT destroy existing systems. But I’m not sure I communicate that clearly.

From 2020 through 2021 my opinion evolves again.

When my family needed help I get it through very traditional programming. And I am grateful the programs are there.

I realize that I believe in the conventional pathways. I really do.

There are some bad programs and people out there. Very bad. I mean, really horrible.

BUT, we need rehabs and we need abstinence based programming. And there are really high quality programs available.

WE NEED ALL OF THE ABOVE

My opinion has evolved. It is not “harm reduction” versus abstinence based recovery. It is not “medication assisted treatment” versus more traditional models.

We need all of the above.

I need all of the above and when my family was in need we needed all of the above.

We will continue to need all of the above.

I can admit when I’m wrong.

Maybe not as “promptly” as I should. But I will come around.

I can get “too pushy” with the moderation management vibe.

I don’t take back the message. But I do want to re-evaluate the way in which I deliver the message.

I can be very one-sided. I get fired up and I get on my “soap box”. And my soap box gets out of control. I need to be more balanced.

People Like Me

There are some people, myself included, who need to abstain from all substances in order to reduce harm.

Alcohol is a destructive force that would take over my life if I tried to moderate.

I know this because I tried to moderate for years.

And blackout drunk is not moderating. Sometimes we need to hang up the cleats and walk away from the game.

Better yet, run the other direction.

I Just Want To Be Clear

I believe in abstinence based, 12-step recovery. And I need to do a better job in communicating that belief. In my effort to promote multiple pathways I sometimes go to far.

We need to honor all pathways included the traditional routes of recovery.

Start the process of recovery and don’t quit.

Keep going and keep trying.

People do recover. In all kinds of ways.

Constant forward momentum.

And then there’s the family. That’s a whole other topic….