Never Enough

For me and my hedonistic treadmill of a brain….Never enough goes beyond drugs.

Obsessive is my default setting.

Moderation in any area requires focus for me. I need to have my head in the game.

Recovery

Recovery from substance use disorder has made it possible to avoid total self destruction in these other areas.

However, I still need to be on top of things and open to support and ideas.

I need to seek out the right mentors.

What worked last month may need re-evaluated this month.

Change plans to change outcomes.

Plans & Outcomes

For example.

Work. It can consume me. Because it’s an escape and the achievement comes with a dopamine hit.

I’m very competent in this area of life so I will gravitate to work.

And if one hour of work is a dopamine hit, then another and another and another makes complete sense…..

90 hours later my kids can’t even recognize me.

Being Dad

Being a dad is tougher than work.

I never was taught anything about being a dad. My father was a maniac.

In my mind, I cant do anything well in the parenting area.

I perceive myself as incompetent. Plus it’s so freaking hard.

Therefore, I gravitate to what makes me feel better.

Hardwired

Human beings are hardwired to seek pleasure and avoid pain.

I will be a work in progress forever.

I can’t relate to being “set free”.

Quite frankly I do not trust people who play it off like the struggle is gone. I’m a work in progress.

The Spiritual Struggle

I just don’t believe those people who pretend to be so “spiritual” they don’t struggle.

Spiritual means embracing the struggle.

Suffering well when it’s bad and savoring the good days.

I will try to improve and master myself every single day. Until I die.

Magical Solution – Nope

Because there is no magical solution for me.

I think there are so many fake people out there. Bullshitters.

What you see is what you get with me.

I’m not the poster child for serenity

The post Parenting on the Hedonistic Treadmill appeared first on The Recovery Cartel.

Infant/Child Development

This is me and my grand-daughter Mira.

Mira is beautiful as you can clearly see.

But that’s not why I posted this.

I want to discuss infant and child development. Specifically, memory and it’s relationship to strong emotions such as baseline fear response and love.

Babies generally can not “remember” things. They can track objects but have limited storage and recall of these things.

Limited Recall

Obviously, the people closet to them get priority in terms of storage and recall. Mom and dad for example. Object permanence starts around 4-7 months. This refers to the ability to remember something was there and it will come back even if it disappears.

However, they can’t remember much. Most of life is in the moment with no frame of reference to the past.

Fear, however, will trigger a much stronger memory.

Encoding

Encoding is the process of breaking the information down into a form we understand so that it can be more easily stored (and we later “decode” the information to recall it).

The process of getting into through the processing system into memory and later retrieval is natural and hard-wired. It is automatic. Again, we call this encoding.

If a baby had a jarring experience it can “encode” and remain in place.

This is for obvious reasons, human beings are wired to notice the dangers.

Hard-wired

Think about the implications of this process in trauma work. Our strongest memories during infancy are associated with LOVE and FEAR.

Love keeps us close to those who are “safe”.

Fear keeps us alive by avoiding perceived danger.

Hard-wired. From the start with long lasting impact.

The MIRA Event

About 4 weeks ago Mira was chillin’ and doing her thing. Observing the world.

I was interacting with her in normal adult to infant fashion.

All these other kids were around (my kids). Lots of activity. Lots of noise.

At some point, I get loud with one of these other rug-rats.

Fight or Flight

I’m not even sure what exactly happened, but I startled Mira and she got all quiver-lipped and sad.

She starts crying. She was all jammed up.

Interestingly, since that experience her “fight or flight” instinct will kick in when I’m with her.

You can see it escalate.

I pick her up. She starts to breath faster.

She starts to look for her mom or dad.

Interestingly again, if they are in the room she can use them for comfort and self-soothe (this is a very good sign and bodes well for her future success).

Crisis Escalation

If her parents are not in the room she continues on the “crisis escalation cycle”.

Today we were able to successfully implement an extinction protocol to get her over this.

Raise exposure with parents in the room.

Extinction Protocol

Level 1: Exposure in mom’s arms;

Level 2: Brief hold facing away looking at mom;

Level 3: Brief hold facing me and quick return to mom.

Level 4 : Casual hold for extended period of time. (see image above)

Intervention

Subjective units of distress steadily decreased and I am proud to say that I think we have a successful intervention.

Tonight we will attempt the protocol with parents out of the room.

Editors Note: I was born in 1958 to an unwed mum, and back then in Scotland, society did not look upon single mothers with much regard. Single mothers were instantly stigmatised and shamed.

This eventually led my mother to place me into a unwanted children’s home.

That happened in 1961 an to this very day I recall vividly the sound of her heels hitting the tile floor as she walked away from me leaving me with strangers.

I cried out – Mummy, Mummy, I am sorry Mummy.

It was only a few years ago in 2015 that I discovered and started to gather information on the damage done. 

Then I could take action to heal the “trauma of abandonment”.

Until that time I had suffered repeated distress over and over and over. My personal recovery from substance use disorder was never successful. 

All of 31 long and tedious years of struggling I was trying to fix the “symptom” instead of the original “root cause” of my difficulties..

Much of the foundational research in this area has been referred to as –Adverse Childhood Experiences,(ACEs).

ACEs can be prevented. – Thanks, Chris Freeman | SoberWorx

The post Psychology Baby 101 appeared first on The Recovery Cartel.

The Behavioral ​Health Apocalypse!

Before I get to my article on the current state of behavioral health, I would like to make it clear what I intend to do with The Recovery Cartel blog. There are several very important objectives.

1.) I write so that my head does not explode. I have continuous and ever-present thoughts surrounding addiction, mental health, sociology, societal problems etc… And I have very serious observations and opinions regarding society’s response to these issues. If I don’t write about and/or talk about it my head is likely to explode. I don’t want that to happen.

2.) I write for a targeted audience. Specifically, an audience that wants to take a deeper dive into an issue. If you want clichés and the standard company line, I’m not the guy for you. If you want to go deep on the macro-issues and explore causes and conditions then this is the place for you.

3.) I want to explore NEW solutions and try and shatter the existing paradigm. I think we are fighting a battle against substance use disorders and mental health issues using antiquated and illogical techniques.

4.) I intend to write really long posts. Read the whole thing. If that resonates please sign up for my blog posts.

Today I would like to explore parenting through our current behavioral health apocalypse…

Mental health rates among youth and young adults at a record high. Overdose is number one killer of people under the age of 50. The social media explosion and the smartphone era is leading to an entire generation of overwhelmed and disconnected people. In the meantime, substances are evolving.

It seems like more and more powerful drugs are being pushed into the market. The DEA is under the control of big pharma and the prescription opioids are going to keep coming. It’s the perfect storm for this overdose epidemic. We also need to acknowledge the record setting suicide rate and our ineffective systemic response in this area as well. We are a country in the middle of a behavioral health crisis.

It is especially difficult for parents dealing with a child’s behavioral health crisis. Despite more need than ever, there is little specialization in this area. Family based responses are the exception not the norm and parents are cycled through traditional framework which was never intended to address parent to child relationships.

3​ ​problems​ ​to​ ​ponder​ ​as​ ​you​ ​parent​ ​through​ ​this​ ​perfect​ ​storm?

Problem:​ ​Psychological​ ​Beat​ ​Down​ ​Associated​ ​With​ ​Raising​ ​Kids​: It used to be that a parent’s job was to “raise” your kids. Get them to age 18. Maybe early 20’s if they went to college. Get them through the experience relatively well adjusted. Get them through relatively healthy. Prepare them for the future but not prepare their future.

Then Dr. Spock came along and told parents to become friends with their children. Then parents started to live vicariously through their kids. Parents became obsessed with their children’s achievements. Get them on this team and in this activity. Buy them this car and these clothes. Must get them into Harvard. Must see them achieve.

Parents always encouraged their children. Parents even demanded hard work from their kids. But parents in the past did not tie their own self-esteem and self-image to the success of their kids. That all has changed.
Imagine how much more complex and problematic this reality is made by substance use disorders. How the stigma feeds into the already existing sense of failure and inadequacy that many parents feel.

Here’s a common scenario:

When you meet someone at the grocery store:
The first thing they do is tell you about their kid.

Super Parent: “Joe just finished first in competitive pogo-stick jumping and he’s ranked second at
Stanford School of business. How is your kid doing”?

Imperfect Realistic Parent: “Well… he was named president of his unit at rehab… we are hoping he
does 90 meetings in 90 days when he comes home because they told us this is his after-care”

Not​ ​a​ ​very​ ​pleasant​ ​experience…and​ ​in​ ​most​ ​cases​ ​the​ ​imperfect​ ​parent​ ​takes​ ​evasive​ ​action​ ​and avoids​ ​the​ ​question.​ ​ ​Redirect​ ​the​ ​conversation​ ​to​ ​the​ ​broccoli​ ​sale​ ​in​ ​aisle​ ​13… ​ ​and​ ​then​ ​leave​ ​the store​ ​feeling​ ​terrible​ ​about​ ​yourself​ ​and​ ​the​ ​situation.

Solution:

● Work on conscious contact with the facts of life for EVERYONE on this planet. No family is perfect. The “hallmark movie” family is a myth. The perfect Sunday School family is a myth.
Everyone is dealing with some type of struggle. For some it is a mental health or a substance use issue. For others it is a medical condition. For others it is infidelity or divorce. Just look at the rich famous members of the celebrity class. Good God they are completely miserable.

● Bonus advice: Accept yourself and accept the fact you are going to avoid the conversation.
Avoid people who want to vicariously live through their children. Go for it. Its self-preservation.

Problem:​ ​Bubble​ ​Wrap​ ​Generation​ ​And​ ​Addiction​: Participation trophies. Self-esteem training classes.
Medals for everyone. If everyone gets a trophy then no one feels left out. But, if everyone’s a winner then no one is a winner. We created this. My generation. Me as a parent. I feed into this bullshit. I don’t want my kids feeling less than. It’s our fault. It’s not just the millennials. It’s the pre-millennials (I just made that up).

The term helicopter parent is born out of this dynamic.

When addiction, mental health, or emotional issues enter the picture for the bubble wrap generation the helicopter parenting instincts will kick into high gear. Remember, the helicopter parenting dynamic goes way beyond addiction. Helicopter parenting is the norm today. Parents spend all day driving their kids around. As stated above. Getting them involved in swim class, gymnastics, soccer, Chinese checkers tournaments, gluten free baking courses etc… Parents spend all night doing their kids science project with them. Checking the elementary school website for the latest assignments. Planning the bake sale to raise money for the field trip to view manatees for science class. PARENTS ARE CONDITIONED TO BE HELICOPTERS.

THEN ADDICTION AND MENTAL HEALTH ISSUES SHOW UP AND ALL THE PROFESSIONAL GENIUSES IMMEDIATELY TELL THEM TO DETACH. Then mom and dad have trouble detaching and they beat themselves up for not utilizing “tough love” effectively:

“I’m the worst enabler in the world”!

“I know I have made this worse…look at me I’m the poster child for enabling”….

And all this anxiety and emotional energy is wasted on this useless “detachment” battle.

Keep in mind the therapists who are telling you to “detach” are rushing home to make sure that little Suzy gets to her weekly “future astronauts of America club” on time because God knows this will surely get her into Harvard.

100%​ ​Ridiculousness!

Solution:​ This advice is for the “helpers” not just the parents. This is not 1955. Too many times the “advice” given to parents come out of the Al-anon tradition. When Al-Anon was founded the group was not addressing parents of 18 year-old heroin addicts. They were addressing wives of 50 year-old alcoholics. Detach with love was invented for spouses not for parents.

You may get to a point where you can detach but you need to be easy on yourself while on the journey. Have an understanding of the truth around parenting through behavioral health issues. Attend support groups and get educated. Try to avoid groups that make you feel worse about yourself. Definitely avoid therapists who make you feel worse about yourself.

Try and keep perspective. You will eventually be able to set the appropriate boundaries…but is likely to be a process of starts and stops.

Problem:​ ​Today’s​ ​PILL​ ​CULTURE​ ​And​ ​The​ ​7​ ​Minute​ ​Psychiatric​ ​Appointment​: When did the pill culture take over America? According to the Center for Disease Control (CDC) 48.9% of Americans report being on at least 1 prescription drug in the past month; 23.1% report being on 3 or more prescriptions in the past month; and 11.9% report being on 5 or more prescription drugs in the past month. Obviously, these medications are warranted in many cases.

Seventy five percent of doctor visits result in a prescription being issued. We certainly have developed the mentality that a pill is the preferred solution for what ails you in terms of physical health. Is this the same for behavioral health issues? It seems to be the case. Some interesting points to consider from Medco and their America’s State of Mind Report): Click here to read the report

● Overall, the number of Americans on medications used to treat psychological and behavioral disorders has substantially increased since 2001; more than one-in-five adults was on at least one of these medications in 2010, up 22 percent from ten years earlier.

● The most notable increase in the use of these medications (anxiety medications) was seen in children ages 10-19; utilization increased among this age group by almost 50 percent. While younger people showed marked increases, older people showed declines.

● In the United States, an estimated 5.4 million children ages 4 to 17 have been diagnosed with ADHD and the percentage of children with a parent-reported ADHD diagnosis increased by 22 percent between 2003 and 2007 according to the Centers for Disease Control (CDC).

● While​ ​it​ ​is​ ​well​ ​known​ ​that​ ​ADHD​ ​is​ ​prevalent​ ​among​ ​children,​ ​diagnosis​ ​and​ ​treatment​ ​of ADHD​ ​has​ ​in​ ​fact​ ​grown​ ​at​ ​a​ ​much​ ​faster​ ​rate​ ​among​ ​adults.​ ​Additionally,​ ​a​ ​gender​ ​shift​ ​occurs in​ ​adulthood​ ​when​ ​slightly​ ​more​ ​women​ ​are​ ​shown​ ​to​ ​be​ ​using​ ​ADHD​ ​drug​ ​treatments​ ​than men. ​ ​Among​ ​adults,​ ​women​ ​ages​ ​20-44​ ​showed​ ​the​ ​highest​ ​prevalence​ ​in​ ​use​ ​of​ ​ADHD​ ​drugs in​ ​2010​ ​(nearly​ ​2.0​ ​percent)​ ​and​ ​saw​ ​the​ ​greatest​ ​spike​ ​in​ ​their​ ​numbers,​ ​rising​ ​264​ ​percent from​ ​2001-​ ​2010.

We could go on all day exploring these trends. The bottom line is. Pills have become part of everyday culture in America. A pill is the solution for everything from sexual dysfunction to sleep problems to inability to get your work done.

And wonder why Johnny would go to a party and “take a dangerous” drug for recreational purposes. We have told Johnny pills are your friend since he was 3 years old.

We also know that psychiatric services are focused on medication adjustments and not talking through issues. This is just the reality of the situation. In order to make the business model work psychiatrists must see more and more patients.

This lack of attention was chronicled in a New York Times article and has become the generally accepted norm. Here is a link to the New York Times Article: Click here

Parents will naturally be drawn to leaning on expert support. But what do we do when the expert doesn’t have time for us? What do we do when medication becomes the go to option for nearly all issues? What do we do when this is happening in the day and age of Xanax abuse?

Solution:​ ​ ​Parents​ ​must​ ​become​ ​educated​ ​and​ ​system​ ​savvy.​ ​ ​The days of blindly “trusting” the professionals are behind us. This is probably true of all of healthcare. It is definitely true where behavioral healthcare is concerned.

We all need to become our own advocate. If a provider is offended you ask questions or want more information start looking for a second opinion. Unfortunately, psychiatric services can be hard to find. Therefore, sometimes you must stick out with a sub-par provider. Never discontinue medication without doctor advice. But look around at other options.

Become educated about solutions that lay beyond the 7 minute psychiatric appointment. Solutions that lay beyond medication. Talk therapy, alternative therapy, mutual aid groups, life coaching, exercise, nutrition are all things that can contribute to emotional health. Your service provider may not suggest options. Unfortunately, people tend to stick to their favorite treatment modality.

Try to find someone who can serve as a case-manager or a coach regarding system navigation. Practical advice and feedback is invaluable. It can be especially beneficial to find someone who has “been there done that”.

If you are able to develop a plan of attack for these three problem areas you will be ahead of the game. This is a most difficult period of time to raise kids.

We all need support and useful information. I hope you sign up for ongoing Recovery Cartel posts.

I will be going after this issue in depth in future posts as well….

The post Parenting​ ​through​ the behavioral ​health apocalypse! appeared first on The Recovery Cartel.