Happiness Is Misleading.

What do we know about being happy or happiness?

Actually, we know quite a bit. First, we know that happiness is a misleading term. For most people, being happy or experiencing happiness equals“fun” or “joy”. Those things are part of the good life. However, neither of those constitute a satisfying life in and of themselves.

We should get rid of the term happiness.

Instead, we should focus on SUBJECTIVE WELL BEING (SWB). 

There are other terms that capture the SWB spirit. Contentment, life satisfaction, serenity, personal wellness, self-actualization are in the same ballpark.

Whatever term fits best with your personal world-view. The important thing to keep in mind, we are not pursuing joy or happiness alone.

We are pursuing a state of being. We are pursuing a mindset. A happy mindset.

Where Do We Begin?

In 1993 Martin Seligman launched the discipline of positive psychology. Seligman was the president of the American Psychological Association at the time.

Seligman had access to some of the best minds in psychology and some of the best information in psychology.

He was disillusioned with the psychotherapeutic focus on pathology rather than strengths. He was stunned with the complete void of research surrounding happiness. Seligman responds by starting a new discipline. He and his colleagues begin the process of unpacking well-being.

Sigmund Freud reportedly said, “the goal of psychotherapy is to get you to ordinary human misery”. The goal of positive psychology is to help you thrive not just survive.

The positive psychology crew focused on the following:

1. Using the scientific method and gold-standard research practices, the team identified universal characteristics, traits, and behaviors of the “happiest people on the planet”. They found many common factors that transcend race, gender, socio-economic status, ethnicity, and culture.
   
2. The crew developed psychologically sound interventions that address these characteristics. These interventions were tested, evaluated, and refined. The result is a very pragmatic and hopeful set of action-oriented interventions that are proven to improve mood and raise subjective well-being.

The Subjective Well Being (SWB) plan:

It stands to reason then, that we can take these interventions and form a very practical and easy to implement an action plan. We can develop a SWB plan!

How does the SWB plan work?

1. Start with an understanding of “happiness”. You can do this in a variety of ways. Ideally, you have a coach or instructor that can help you learn the content, clarify concerns, and answer questions. However, you may have to engage in self-study. I utilize an 8-week educational program to guide my clients and my groups. The syllabus covers the basics and leaves participants with a very good understanding of the principles of positive psychology.
   
2. Once you have knowledge of the principles: Find 3 or 4 positive psychology principles to focus on. Discuss their application to current life situations and explore the actions/interventions that are associated with each principle. 
   NOTE: the University of Pennsylvania Authentic Happiness website has a questionnaire section. These assessment tools can help you identify focus areas.

Here is an example of positive psychology principles driving individualized interventions. Guided by assessment and self-awareness.

The VIA-Character strengths questionnaire is used to identify top character strengths (there are 24 universal character strengths). Examples of character strength include creativity, bravery, curiosity, appreciation of beauty, and gratitude.

Let’s pretend you take the VIA-Character strengths questionnaire and “gratitude” appears at the top of the list.

The intervention calls for an intentional focus on doing things that tap into “gratitude”.

Be Happy – 3 Good Things

Therefore, you begin to actively practice the positive psychology intervention of “3 GOOD THINGS”

3 GOOD THINGS = Every day, at the end of the day, you write down “3 Good Things” that happened that day.

You commit to 30 consecutive days and you agree to never list a good thing twice. No repeat “good things”.

This will quickly force you to concentrate on recognizing good things throughout the course of the day. You will be tapping into the character strength of gratitude.

3. Identify the specific interventions you will integrate into your life. As discussed above, these interventions should specifically target positive psychology principles consistent with your individual profile. No two SWB plans are 100% the same.

Once you identify these focus actions, write it down. Then simply put one foot in front of the other.

If you make a mistake, get right back on the wagon. Day by day you will build new habits and subjective well-being will be within your grasp.

A Few More Happy Examples:

Principle: There is a formula for happiness or SWB:

SWB = 50% Set Point (S) + 10% Circumstances (‘C) + 40% Voluntary Control (VC)

Set point (S): You were born this way. This is the “nature” aspect of being happy or happiness. Your personality and your “make-up”. Simply put, some people are happier than others. Some people are more grumpy. Some nationalities are happier. Also, other nationalities are naturally more negative. It is what it is. You can’t change this.

Circumstance: External conditions. Finances. Health. Family issues and so on. These circumstances can be good or bad. Winning the lottery versus getting in a terrible car accident.

On the whole, over time, circumstances will account for about 10% of your overall SWB. Many times circumstances are out of your control.

However, Positive Psychology does provide specific interventions that help people through challenging circumstances. For example, how to respond to suffering is a question Positive Psychology tries to answer.

In addition, there will be certain “circumstances” which can be improved. Physical health problems, for example, can be improved via nutrition, sleep, and exercise.

Positive Psychology focuses on what you can control. Do what you can to improve the circumstances.

Voluntary Control: This is the main focus of Positive Psychology. 40% of your mood on any given day is under your voluntary control and can be directly influenced by intentional activities, disciplined thinking, and preparation. Most Positive Psychology interventions influence the area of voluntary control.

Action Planning

Using these general principles, develop a simple and direct action plan.

Focus on improving the areas of obvious need. Don’t overthink.

Example of an “Action Plan”:

Self-assessment: My circumstances could be improved by taking better care of my physical health. I don’t feel well many days and that influences my outlook and interactions.

Steps: Sleep at least 6 hours | Stop eating sugary snacks and hammering Red Bull energy drinks all day.

Voluntary Control: I could be more present and grateful.

Steps: Utilize “3 Good Things” to develop optimism, notice the positive and nurture gratitude.

Take a minute and do your own self-assessment.

• What circumstantial challenges are you facing right now?
• Can you do anything to change or improve the situation?
• What can you do to improve your attitude?

Positive Psychology

Use the Positive Psychology website to identify other interventions that improve outcomes in the area of voluntary control.

This website provides a great resource for solution-focused positive psychology interventions: https://positivepsychology.com/positive-psychology-interventions/

Note: Mental Health concerns such as anxiety and depression are very real.

If you are seeing a therapist or under the care of a psychiatrist please DO NOT change the treatment plan. These interventions are not meant to replace medical care.

Photo by Nicolas Castez on Unsplash

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Infant/Child Development

This is me and my grand-daughter Mira.

Mira is beautiful as you can clearly see.

But that’s not why I posted this.

I want to discuss infant and child development. Specifically, memory and it’s relationship to strong emotions such as baseline fear response and love.

Babies generally can not “remember” things. They can track objects but have limited storage and recall of these things.

Limited Recall

Obviously, the people closet to them get priority in terms of storage and recall. Mom and dad for example. Object permanence starts around 4-7 months. This refers to the ability to remember something was there and it will come back even if it disappears.

However, they can’t remember much. Most of life is in the moment with no frame of reference to the past.

Fear, however, will trigger a much stronger memory.

Encoding

Encoding is the process of breaking the information down into a form we understand so that it can be more easily stored (and we later “decode” the information to recall it).

The process of getting into through the processing system into memory and later retrieval is natural and hard-wired. It is automatic. Again, we call this encoding.

If a baby had a jarring experience it can “encode” and remain in place.

This is for obvious reasons, human beings are wired to notice the dangers.

Hard-wired

Think about the implications of this process in trauma work. Our strongest memories during infancy are associated with LOVE and FEAR.

Love keeps us close to those who are “safe”.

Fear keeps us alive by avoiding perceived danger.

Hard-wired. From the start with long lasting impact.

The MIRA Event

About 4 weeks ago Mira was chillin’ and doing her thing. Observing the world.

I was interacting with her in normal adult to infant fashion.

All these other kids were around (my kids). Lots of activity. Lots of noise.

At some point, I get loud with one of these other rug-rats.

Fight or Flight

I’m not even sure what exactly happened, but I startled Mira and she got all quiver-lipped and sad.

She starts crying. She was all jammed up.

Interestingly, since that experience her “fight or flight” instinct will kick in when I’m with her.

You can see it escalate.

I pick her up. She starts to breath faster.

She starts to look for her mom or dad.

Interestingly again, if they are in the room she can use them for comfort and self-soothe (this is a very good sign and bodes well for her future success).

Crisis Escalation

If her parents are not in the room she continues on the “crisis escalation cycle”.

Today we were able to successfully implement an extinction protocol to get her over this.

Raise exposure with parents in the room.

Extinction Protocol

Level 1: Exposure in mom’s arms;

Level 2: Brief hold facing away looking at mom;

Level 3: Brief hold facing me and quick return to mom.

Level 4 : Casual hold for extended period of time. (see image above)

Intervention

Subjective units of distress steadily decreased and I am proud to say that I think we have a successful intervention.

Tonight we will attempt the protocol with parents out of the room.

Editors Note: I was born in 1958 to an unwed mum, and back then in Scotland, society did not look upon single mothers with much regard. Single mothers were instantly stigmatised and shamed.

This eventually led my mother to place me into a unwanted children’s home.

That happened in 1961 an to this very day I recall vividly the sound of her heels hitting the tile floor as she walked away from me leaving me with strangers.

I cried out – Mummy, Mummy, I am sorry Mummy.

It was only a few years ago in 2015 that I discovered and started to gather information on the damage done. 

Then I could take action to heal the “trauma of abandonment”.

Until that time I had suffered repeated distress over and over and over. My personal recovery from substance use disorder was never successful. 

All of 31 long and tedious years of struggling I was trying to fix the “symptom” instead of the original “root cause” of my difficulties..

Much of the foundational research in this area has been referred to as –Adverse Childhood Experiences,(ACEs).

ACEs can be prevented. – Thanks, Chris Freeman | SoberWorx

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Happiness and the Positive Psychology basics…

By studying thousands and thousands of people all over the globe PP founders and researchers were able to identify some universal aspects of subjective well being (“happiness”).

Several different ways of understanding happiness have come out of this movement and things continue to evolve.

There is a formula for happiness: H = 50%SP + 10%C + 40%VC

Preview(opens in a new tab)

SP= SET POINT

These are the hereditary factors and personality factors that contribute to your worldview.

Some people are born more optimistic.

Some people are prone toward happiness.

This accounts for 50% of your subjective well being. YOU CAN’T CHANGE THIS

C= CIRCUMSTANCES

These are the conditions of your life at any given time.

Financial issues; work issues; health issues; family issues…all of these will “push up” or “pull down” your level of subjective well being.

However, on the whole/over the long haul circumstances only impacts happiness at only 10%.

For example, if you are sick you will only be able to get to a certain level of happiness.

YOU MAY OR MAY NOT BE ABLE TO INFLUENCE THIS.

Think serenity prayer.

VC= VOLUNTARY CONTROL

These are the intentional actions we can take on a day to day basis to improve our outlook and mood.

Our happiness level will increase if we intentionally engage in happiness enhancing interventions.

These interventions can improve your mood despite circumstances or set point.

EXAMPLES INCLUDE:

3 GOOD THINGS

Write down 3 positive things that happened for you today.

Be very specific. Do it everyday for 30 days.

FREE THREE

• Spend time outside
• Laugh
• Listen to music

GRATITUDE JOURNAL

You can thank me later…

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