5 Things I Must Remember

It’s easier said than done!

This is me talking to myself about myself.

One – Detach

You detach from the emotional obsession and the illusion of control. You do not automatically eliminate the person from your life.

Unless this person is mistreating you. Stealing, putting you in danger, or just wearing you out after years and years of the cycle.

If that is the case, you should consider some more rigid boundaries. It’s a matter of self-preservation. However, all of this needs to be processed and “talked through”.

It’s not easy and it’s not black and white.

Two – Unique Family

Every family is unique. It’s professionally lazy to paint with a broad brush and treat every situation the same.

Factors that need to be considered include:

1. Age of your loved. A 50 year old spouse requires a different response than an 18 year old child.
2. Specific substances involved and the associated “dangers”. Fentanyl, for example, makes every situation more “urgent”.
3. How long have you been dealing with this? Doing the same thing over and over for 20 years is different than intervening for the first time.
4. Are you in danger? Emotional or physical abuse? Stealing your property?
5. Is there a co-occurring mental health issue or history of trauma?

Three – Consultant / Coach

Every family should have a consultant/coach for the long haul.

The ups and downs of recovery require long term support. And the family must be helped along the way. It’s not as simple as detachment and turning it over.

That may be part of the process. But there are a hundred other issues that require expert advice and support.

And things aren’t resolved after 30 days in rehab.

There are many good treatment providers.

However, we can’t expect inpatient rehabs to manage after-care. Specialists need to be deployed to follow the family long term.

Four – Self-Care

Self-care is a process and it works. I have been resistant to “taking care of myself”. I’m not sure why I have been resistant. Unconsciously resistant. However, I have come to believe that self-care is a real thing. Commit to a plan and stick to it. Consistency is important. Some elements of a self-care plan include:

1. Group meetings. 12-step or otherwise. There are undeniable benefits to the group experience.
2. A one to one confidant or consultant as described above.
3. Prayer: if you are so inclined
4. Meditation.
5. Positive psychology programs.
6. Exercise.
7. YOGA.
8. Individual psychotherapist is sometimes appropriate.
9. Marriage or family therapy.

Five – Remember This

Try to remember: treatment and recovery is a process. Not an event.

There is no magic solution.

That said, there are very good programs and specialized interventions that may be helpful.

However, try to stay balanced in terms of your perspective. Not too high, not too low. Believable hope.

There are many more things that could make this list. Whatever works for you.

The key, you must do these things consistently.

“It’s easier said than done”.

Much easier said than done.

About Rich Jones MA, MBA, LCAS, SAP
EVP & Executive Director, Heritage CARES

Executive Vice President (EVP) at Heritage Health Solutions, Inc.
Chief Strategy Officer Co-Founder at Youturn,
CEO at Wellness Partners Group
CEO/President at Jones Solutions Group
Former CEO at FAVOR Greenville

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Tragic Optimism

Reality can sometimes be extremely uncomfortable. For example, I have witnessed institutional and community denial and mismanagement of Substance Use Disorders for decades.

Resulting horrific outcomes. Yet change is aggressively resisted.

People are pretty good at putting a positive spin on a pretty shitty situation.

When you take a more realistic stance you are a trouble-maker. A pessimist. A buzz-kill.

Victor Frankl talked about “tragic optimism”.

Not the pie in the sky “everything is going to be okay” optimism.

Rather, reality based assessment of the situation followed by an operating system that says:

• Yes, things CAN get better and we CAN get through this.
• It is possible.
• There is hope.
• But it’s going to take monumental effort.
• And it’s going to require some really difficult decisions and crucial conversations.

Social psychology tells us these situations progress along a pretty predictable timeline.

A Sentinel Event occurs (911, 2008 financial crisis, COVID19, OR a more localized tragedy/event).

Sentinel Event

Things UNFOLD:

1) Initially, people are stunned and in shock.

2) People may even be energized by the adrenaline rush associated with such a dramatic and threatening situation.

3) Some people may even be excited. Everything is closed. Like a “snow day” from school. That is naive and it wears off quick. People say things like “time to catch up on some reading and complete some projects around the house…” I do not understand such thinking. I can not accept that position. However, it is relatively common.

Fear & Anxiety

4) In terms of work and the economy, the fear and anxiety may set in quickly. Depends on your circumstances. If you have a family you probably start spinning up pretty quick. The uncertainty is hard to reconcile. You are worried. At the same time, some people will be apathetic and indifferent until they are forced to take notice.

5) People double down on their “preferred interpretation” of the situation AND begin to vigorously defend said interpretation. In this particular case of COVID-19 it goes like this

• If you hate Trump. This is more of a reason to hate Trump.
• You need to make sure you take every conversation about the virus and turn it into an indictment of Trump.
• If you love Trump then you want to make sure you repeatedly state “things are not that bad. We should not even have this lock-down. More people die from the flu” etc…

6) In the meantime, some people know that they do not know. Some prefer to not make statements without a relatively high level of confidence in the accuracy and truth of the position. In this case, there are limited sources of objective information. There are preferred sources. Remove the middleman as much as possible.

7) As time goes by the tensions and concerns mentioned above will become more pronounced.

Calm Waters

An intervention or external circumstance can sometimes calm the waters.

8) In this case, the stimulus will help calm these waters. The stimulus, especially support for small business and support to bridge payroll and unemployment insurance. That will help ease the pain.

9) The recovery community will experience a similar progression of emotions and reactions. Online meetings will continue but enthusiasm is likely to wane. Again, the early “adrenaline rush” will be replaced by the mundane day to day reality of “cyber life”.

10) There will be ongoing decision points. On an individual level, a family level and an organizational level. There will be roller coaster of emotions. There will be difficult decisions along the way.

11) On an individual level, a family level, a community level, an organizational level, a business level and a societal level. We will need to make some bold move and there will be some unpopular decisions made.

We Will Get Through This

There is no question, we will get through this.

But if you think its going to be easy you need to think again.

Time to focus. Time to get to work. Keep moving forward and keep pushing.

Do all you can with all you have to help keep your tragic optimism in control. And…

Some Hints

1) Take time in the morning to calm your mind. Don’t jump on your phone right away to check the headlines. All bad.
2) Go outside for a walk.
3) Listen to music. Late 80’s / early 90’s east coast rap. Or whatever you are into.
4) Laugh: YouTube videos of cute kittens and shit like that.
5) Start a journal. Get your thoughts out of your head.
6) PHYSICALLY take care of yourself. I’ve stopped eating Zingers….
7) If so inclined, pray… Pray.

That’s all for today. Love each other, Rich Jones | Recovery Cartel

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