Never Enough

For me and my hedonistic treadmill of a brain….Never enough goes beyond drugs.

Obsessive is my default setting.

Moderation in any area requires focus for me. I need to have my head in the game.

Recovery

Recovery from substance use disorder has made it possible to avoid total self destruction in these other areas.

However, I still need to be on top of things and open to support and ideas.

I need to seek out the right mentors.

What worked last month may need re-evaluated this month.

Change plans to change outcomes.

Plans & Outcomes

For example.

Work. It can consume me. Because it’s an escape and the achievement comes with a dopamine hit.

I’m very competent in this area of life so I will gravitate to work.

And if one hour of work is a dopamine hit, then another and another and another makes complete sense…..

90 hours later my kids can’t even recognize me.

Being Dad

Being a dad is tougher than work.

I never was taught anything about being a dad. My father was a maniac.

In my mind, I cant do anything well in the parenting area.

I perceive myself as incompetent. Plus it’s so freaking hard.

Therefore, I gravitate to what makes me feel better.

Hardwired

Human beings are hardwired to seek pleasure and avoid pain.

I will be a work in progress forever.

I can’t relate to being “set free”.

Quite frankly I do not trust people who play it off like the struggle is gone. I’m a work in progress.

The Spiritual Struggle

I just don’t believe those people who pretend to be so “spiritual” they don’t struggle.

Spiritual means embracing the struggle.

Suffering well when it’s bad and savoring the good days.

I will try to improve and master myself every single day. Until I die.

Magical Solution – Nope

Because there is no magical solution for me.

I think there are so many fake people out there. Bullshitters.

What you see is what you get with me.

I’m not the poster child for serenity

The post Parenting on the Hedonistic Treadmill appeared first on The Recovery Cartel.