THREE STRATEGIES TO CONQUER WORRY
I work in a variety of settings with a variety of people who are dealing with a variety of issues. The details of each person’s situation are unique. Some are dealing with addictions, some are dealing with family conflict, some are dealing with stress, and some are experience significant workplace issues. Everyone has their own strengths. Some have very strong support systems and others have no one in their corner. Despite these differences there seems to be one common concern reported by almost everyone I deal with professionally. They are WORRIED. Worried about their job, worried about their family, worried about the financial markets, worried about ISIS, worried about global warming, worried about it being too cold, worried about where they will find their next high, worried about getting caught doing the wrong thing at work, worried about getting into school, worried about what how hard it will be when they get into school, and worried about worry.
This is also the case with many of my personal contacts and it is certainly has been the case in my life. It seems that worry is part of the human condition and it seems as if it has been present in the story of humanity from the beginning of time:
- From the Bible, Matthew 6:25: “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear”.
- From the Great Philosopher-Emperor Marcus Aurelius, more than 2000 years ago: “Never let the future disturb you. You will meet it, if you have to, with the same weapons of reason which today arm you against the present.” (Meditations)
- Benjamin Franklin had his take on worry: Do not anticipate trouble, or worry about what may never happen. Keep in the sunlight.”
- …and even Mark Twain acknowledge his struggles with worry: “I’ve had a lot of worries in my life, most of which never happened.”
But despite the prevalence and universality of worry it is a largely misunderstood phenomenon. Worry is NOT a diagnosable condition. In many minds it is synonymous with the anxiety disorders. Although clearly intertwined, worry and anxiety are different issues. Anxiety is part of worry and worry is part of the criteria for Generalized Anxiety Disorder. However, worry is a specific type of anxiety. So in the interest of all mankind I would like to shed some light on worry and ways to combat this mysterious condition.
- Understand the difference between worry and anxiety. Everyone knows worry when they experience it or when they see it on the face of a loved one. However, it may be helpful to put some words to it and provide a framework for understanding the difference between worry and anxiety. Worry can be defined as anxious apprehension, and refers to concern about the uncertain outcome of future events (MacLeod, Williams, & Bekerian, 1991). It is common in both clinical and nonclinical populations (Tallis, Davey, & Capuzzo, 1991), meaning you do not have to be diagnosed with a mental health condition to experience worry. It is hard to identify how many people struggle with worry because it falls along such a wide spectrum in terms of severity. The important thing to understand is that worry is a very specific type of anxiety related to FUTURE events. What might happen? Therefore it requires a very specific response in order to deescalate worry.
An example of “anxiety”: I can experience symptoms such as inability to concentrate, nervousness, muscle tension, irritability and not be able to identify the cause. It is a type of free floating anxiety but I do not find myself preoccupied with a certain issue or trying to come up with solutions to a problem or playing out conversations in my head.
An example of worry: I am preoccupied with a meeting I have with my boss on Monday. I am focused on the potential outcomes. I explore different scenarios and I convince myself that the negative possibilities are the most likely to occur. I find myself rehearsing conversations and planning my response to my boss’ accusations. “If he says this…I will say that”.
With this understanding in mind you can focus on the right target. If you are experiencing free-floating, ever-present, non-specific anxiety you need specialized support. There are specific protocols that can be used to reduce the ever-present anxiety and the prognosis is good if you engage the process completely. For more information see www.rjonescoach.com. However, worry in the classic sense can be address through some basic psychological gymnastics where you take control of your thinking. There are several self-help programs available. My favorite is an “oldie but a goodie”. In 1944 Dale Carnegie wrote: How to Stop Worrying and Start Living. Carnegie was not a psychologist or a therapist. The brilliance of his approach was he went to people who overcame worry and interviewed them. Essentially a process of shared experience. A “been there done that” approach to recovery from worry. By doing this he compiled a list of interventions that can be used to address worry. For example in chapter 2 an engineer name Willis Carrier of the Carrier Corporation described his formula for conquering worry. Carrier had been debilitated by worry over his business and was even bed-ridden until he implement the cognitive process described below.
Magic Formula For Solving Worry:
- Analyze the situation fearlessly and honestly and figure out the worst case scenario or what is the worst that can possibly happen. Do not avoid confronting this possibility in your mind regardless of how bad it feels.
- After figuring the worst case scenario resolve yourself to accept that possible outcome. Visualize yourself going through that event.
- From that point on, calmly do all you can to try and improve the condition and reduce the possibility of this worst case scenario. Remember to focus only on what you can affect as there will be much that is out of your control.
2) Beware of worry about worry as this can lead to a more severe anxiety related issue. One of the biggest complications related to worry is the tendency of the worrier to actually “worry about his worry”. The person experiences an internal dialogue full of self-recrimination. “You shouldn’t be worried about this”; “What’s wrong with you, you must be losing your mind”; “What if I always worry like this and never get a good night’s sleep”. It is easy to see the viscous circle that this type of thinking can lead to. You will find yourself in an endless loop that is almost impossible to escape.
There are many factors that contribute to worry about worry. One of the most common is the idea that you “come from a long line of worriers”. “My mom was a worrier and I am going to be just like her”. The idea that worry can be inherited is a myth. Worry is a thinking issue not a biological issue. Another contributor to the worry loop is the media. Especially pharmaceutical companies and their onslaught of commercials. They paint a picture that life should be free from worries. They tell you “If you worry you need this pill to cope”. Then (really quickly) they read off a list of terrible side effects that come along with the medication. We have created a world where negative emotions such as worry are not permitted to exist. You must be crazy if you worry at all. So naturally we all worry about how much we worry. Well done Big-Pharma!
Try to avoid worry about worry. You ARE NOT CRAZY if you worry. Even if you worry excessively. Understand that all human beings worry from time to time and do not allow the world to make you feel like you are defective because you worry. Don’t believe the hype!
3) Embrace the idea that worrying does NOT reduce the possibility of negative outcomes. Worry produces feelings of perceived control and this is a major contributor to chronic worrying. Many people who report worrying say they believe the negative outcome is less likely to occur if they worry about the situation. Stating the obvious, this is patently false. However, worry does seem to serve some legitimate purposes and we should all acknowledge this possibility. In a sense worrying forces us to prepare and problem solve and that can be a good thing. However, there is a fine line between preparing and suffering as a result of worry. Perhaps the best thing to do is to employ a structured process such as the formula described above. This allows for you to problem solve in a predictable and controllable manner. More importantly be aware that there are things out of your control and work to accept that reality.
BONUS: IF YOU WORRY WHY PRAY? IF YOU PRAY WHY WORRY?
