What if you were honest when someone ask you “How are you doing”?  A day in the life:  One man’s ride on the emotional roller coaster.

 

I noticed an interesting phenomenon recently.  At times, when I greet one of my clients at the beginning of our session and ask “How’s it going” there is an awkward silence.  It is as if they are thinking “Does he really want to know”.  Given the nature of our relationship this is not unusual.  Certainly, I want an honest answer and we will dig deeper into that question during the ensuring hour.

However, it has made me think.  How would I answer if I was 100% honest when ask the question how are you doing?  The answer would depend on the day and time of “the ask”.  Just for the heck of if let’s review one day out of my past week and take random time samples to see what an honest answer would look like:

THURSDAY 3/17/15:  6:30 AM- How are you doing?   “I’m tired and I don’t want to get up”.  My weekend is fast approaching but I wake-up pre-occupied that it will be too short.   My self-talk entails the following:  “I need to quit working every Saturday.  I’m a bad father because I spend too much time working”.  I would characterize myself as dysphoric (not depressed; just a bit “down”) at this point in time.  Been hear a million times before and know I just need to move forward.

THURSDAY 3/17/15: 7:00 AM- How are you doing? “Great… I’m on top of things”.  I’m two cups of coffee into my allotted caffeine intake and I’m going to kick ass and take names today.

THURSDAY 3/17/15: 9:00 AM- How are you doing?  “NOT GOOD”.  I forgot to correct my exams for the G-Tech class I teach and now the students are looking forlorn and sad and I feel inadequate.  I am engaging in some negative self-talk concerning my work output and use of free time this weekend.

THURSDAY 3/17/15: 9:15 AM- How are you doing?  “I’m F-ing fine”!  I tell myself “you know what I didn’t want to teach these classes anyway they can fire me for all I care.  Freedom…sweet freedom”.  Amazing how perspective changes everything.

THURSDAY 3/17/15: 10:45 AM- How are you doing? “I’m feeling overwhelmed”.   I have 7 appointments throughout the initial part of the day today (in a 4 hour period) and I’m not sure how that is going to work.  My self-talk is “Why do you do this over and over again?  You’ve been over-scheduling for 10 years.”  I recognize this pattern as well and I know that I need to move into a problem-solving mode.

THURSDAY 3/17/15:  11:30 AM- How are you doing? “Optimistic”.  I made a couple of phone calls and have re-arranged some appointments.  Also had a great phone call regarding some business opportunities.  Also have some really exciting ideas bouncing around my head.  Self-talk is non-specific but generally revolves around the concept that I am a badass.  Taking action is important for me.  I struggle with analyzing situations and would rather act.  READY-FIRE-AIM.

THURSDAY 3/17/15: 1:00 PM- How are you doing? “I feel flat”.  Nothing in particular going on.

THURSDAY 3/17/15: 3:15 PM- How are you doing? “Worried”.  My house in Pennsylvania needs a new roof.  $10,000.  Financial worries are always just below the surface with me.  Self-talk is non-specific but revolves around my lack of preparation and borders on victimhood surrounding my inability to sell the house in Pennsylvania.  I work hard to rationalize the event and reframe the situation effectively.  The worry does subside.

THURSDAY 3/17/15: 3:30 PM- How are you doing? “I’m great”.  On my way to a meeting at local TV station regarding a documentary we are going to be part of.  Self-talk involves positive reinforcement as I have been able to manage some nervousness and resistance around this event.  I won out over my mind on this occasion.

THURSDAY 3/17/15: 6:15 PM- How are you doing? “Refreshed”.  Played some pick-up basketball at the YMCA and actually resembled my old self.  Rather than the pathetic display put on at the league game last night.  Self-talk is positive.

THURSDAY 3/17/15: 8:30 PM- How are you doing?  “Tired”.  Physically tired.  When I am tired like this negative thoughts sneak in.  Usually related to the amount of time I spend working.  If I’m not careful this can lead to guilt about time lost with my kids.

THURSDAY 3/17/15: 10:00 PM- How are you doing? “Good…”  I really mean good.  It was a long productive day doing important work.  I’m in bed.

If you would have been with me and asked me at any of those times “How are you doing?” I would have given you a confident “I’m good” response.  You would have never known any of this was going on.  Right now I am grateful to report that I don’t have any major crisis in my life.  And yet, my day can be an emotional mine-field if I allow it to be.

There were times I recognized and managed my irrational thoughts and times when I fell victim to automatic thinking and the associated negative feelings.  There were really good things that happened and some not so good things.  There were situations I created and situations that were created externally.  This is one day.  One 24 hour period.  LIFE IS GREAT.  What a journey.  The obstacle is the way.

For the record I do NOT recommend honesty in the area of casual greetings.  It would slow us down too much and put people like me out of business.